In dependence of Zanu tomfoolery

Ladies and gentlemen I hope you had a good day of rest on Thursday as the country celebrated kuzvitonga kuzere, haa tobaiwa heduzve nekuzvitonga mvere dzekiti—bank mumba pasi pepillow, business kuzviitira, many of those who are formally employed walk around nezvibheke selling whatever their hands can touch, tichingotongwa, vanovukura vachingovukura, tichingodepender hedu nako kupenga kweZanu. For me it was business as usual here at Chitima, not many could risk closing misika, independence yaiva yekare kuma1980 vachigeza kumeso nekokokora musi wayo kusvotesa vapambepfumi, kkkkk. Bump jive yakarehwa naChamisa maMucheke gore riya yaitovakowee, ask me, I experienced those things in my prime time. Kare kwainakidza. One thing I know for sure is that if I had gotten the chance to go kwaMurambinda like other privileged kids ndainojamba ngoma ikoko, hanzi vaidya nekumwa ikoko. We all saw how simbi yaGenarari was dressed, kuita macouple goals chaiwo naKedha wake zvake Miniyothabo, zvikanzi nevamwe she will give Baba 2 pressure of looking for a young wife like Mini, but haa, zvaana Chandaizment hazvizikanwe, with the way Mary looked at ED’s first inauguration 2017 paya, who would ever thought aizosakara sedovo kudaro? Chaikuda kana chokusema pakaipa. Also, Okidhoki Mai Two vairatidzikawo fani in her national print paMurambinda apo, with her dress rakashunikwa haro maZimbabwe birds, I just hope event haina kupera shiri dzenyika dzava kunzwa dzungu because Mhamha vanenge vachingotyoraka muzura nepasiri necessary. If there is anyone ane zvivindi in this country ndistylist waMhamha namakeup artist wavo because dzimwe nguva unongoona wega kuti haa, fashion irikunyisa Amai Venyika, kkkk. Who knows, maybe ndivo vanenge vamuti I want this, vanozivazivaka vaya, hameno kumabhodho kwavanobika bika with her minions vanhu havadyiswi salt yakawandisa vachingogutsurira here ikoko.
Independence season yega yega tinombonzwirira; all the stupidity and tomfoolery seems to be reserved for this season. Nzeve nemaziso kuita kuzvimba nekunzwa nonsense. Ko Kiritsopfaa Mutsvangwa is back kunge musana to his old ways. You know, sometimes I think that man will be mocking his principal kabisira, imi muchiti its propaganda. To those who missed it, hanzi naKiritsopfa our President’s name will soon change to Mr Strong ZiG, as if trying to praise or bootlick his senior iye achitomocker zvake. It is an open secret that confidence in the new currency is pretty weak to say the least, and it is almost bound to go the same route its siblings vanaBearer cheque nanaBond Note went, so calling your principal something you yourself are not sure will succeed says something louder than what is being heard. Ini ndinoonera manje, plus ndiri gentleman handivanzi. Read between the lines mugongwara like me, not this nonsense of being told that the country’s gold rakarohwa chadonha nemaArabs, chii ichocho chinenge ngozi? Kiri dzinondikuvadza manje, kkkk, he will be talking as if he is addressing special class kugrade one, as if the rest of us are passive sponges who just soak in matoto iwayo. Gidza Gono came out and dismissed those silly allegations dzekunzi takajutwa our gold by some Arabs. Get me right, I am not saying Gidza is the best there ever was, but pahudofo pane waunoonawo kuti iri idofo rimwe razosvikawo ku7. We know zvedu that Gono can never salvage his legacy in as much as the economics of this country is involved, but akapota achiitawo refute some of the propaganda that we are fed with every day, zvinombobetserawo, tinowana chekumuka tichitsamwira because in Zimbabwe, perennial hasha idzodzo helps you in so many ways. Even huku in the morning dzinorira dzichiti “Mukai titsamwire hurumende” kkkkk. Hasha dziri mumastreets umu, if dzaigona kugadzira magetsi, we would light up the whole Southern Africa I tell you. It has been 44 years of waiting for miracles, which never happened except in Papas’ churches where children were born in days, people lost kgs of weight during healing sessions and mishonga yeHIV were made. It has indeed been a rollercoaster ride for us maZimbo, and I think as a country pazuva rekuguma, heaven should reward us with a very good corner with air conditioning, very fast WiFi, magetsi 24/7 necurrency yedu one inotenga because we have suffered. We have depended on Zanu’s madness for too long veduwe, 44 years is a lifetime.
I see that Tshabangu has managed to influence his cohort of sell-outs and cowards to discard all the shame they had in them, if ever they had any, ahh, ko hamuna kuvaona kumafidhlongo kwaMurambinda vanaHwende netundebvu tuchena and crew? I remember rimwe gore so when Hwende and Zwizwai were caught on camera confronting Mudzuri for attending some function kustatehouse, asking him kuti anga asinganzwi hana yake kurova here being in a gathering that was pro-Zanu, and now I ask, asi hana dzacho dzakarashika kani zvovongofamba madiro? Fellow Zimbabweans, do not be fooled by these idealistic nonsense that you are told when these politicians, especially those from opposition are campaigning. They are in it to eat, ndezvematumbu avo izvo, and if you expect integrity from them, I am sorry to be the bearer of bad news, you are clearly looking in the wrong place. Ambundirwa zvake ruoko naMonica Mutsvangwa Hwende angambofunga izvozvo zvekunzi parikuitwa maslogan eZanu, uku Mai Welly vachitenderedza vhoti muchiuno, kkkkk, Hwende matama kupisa nekunyemwerera. I saw a video of that lady wemaZigi doing what she knows best, zvakamuwanisa Akwaya zviya, in the company of some other women who were trying so hard to be seen as well maybe vanodawo mota, bva shortage of Zigis ndochiororo, unomonyoroka ukazvirega wagoonekwa nani, kkkk. Ahh, vana Mhamha vedu ava veduwee, ibatai batai.
When I speak about these things, you think I am mad, or I am a hater, but in this country opposition hamuna muno. All of you are disgruntled Zanu supporters, because there are no standards whatsoever in that sham of an opposition. Chamisa cannot reprimand or condemn anyone for attending national events because he is the one akatanga nazvo, and I actually think whichever national event he did not attend kwaitova kushaya invitation but ndofunga dzaitoswera dzakatarisa nzira kuti dai ndangodeedzwawo kani. These flipflopers can never deliver any democracy, because the very core of what they call democracy is flawed. Vakadhakwa vanhu venyu ava. That stance yaTshabangu of saying we oppose Zanu when necessary ndochaiyo chaiyo yavo iyoyo. The key phrase there is “when necessary”, because I believe no necessity whatsoever will be brought by getting freebies, hefty pecks, loans, allowances plus other benefits. Parliament yangozara mazizi, literally, because remember these CCC people at some point foretold this, mazizi awa. Nhai Hwende nemabiyako, hana iya yamaida kuti Mudzuri arohwe nayo yakamboita seiko, yakasiyana nedzenyu? Small piece of advice however, if you have chosen to dine with the devil, get a long spoon, ndatopedzaso.
But you guys from Masvingo do not have love in your hearts at all, how could you leave me muchienda kwaChivi kunofara kumabiko? Ndakazongoona chembere dzichiumburuka to get freebies, ndikati asi kana denga ririko, Zanu ichaita rekugoogler. To reduce our grannies to clowns like that, the very people who witnessed the war of liberation pamwe vaitobikira macomrades. Idzo chembere dzacho dzangwarawo mazuvano wena, they will do their best kupfichuka nekuumburuka until they get something. DzekwaChivi dzakabika mabwe dzikamwa mutozve dziya, kkkk.
Anyway, let me go ndinokanga maputi angu zvangu for lunch, mabanana akaora mazuvano handichadi kune cholera ndingafa. Did you guys see my good friend VaMphoko muindependence umu? If you see him please tell him that takuda mari yedu iya senyika yaakagara muhotera for many years asisadi kubuda. Until next time, mboko imboko!