Isn’t ‘Munhumutapa’ desecrating our history?

Hello ladies and gentlemen, sorry, I mean SADC chairpersons. Please treat me nicely and bring me nice food and clothes here at Dr Gire Trading Centre where we are busy renovating, revamping and constructing Chimusana Bridge. I am not an engineer so I am not sure what these Masimba guys are doing neChimusana chedu. I don’t care as well what they are really doing but what I want now is for them to quickly complete the work before the rains come otherwise zvinovharwa. Handisi svikiro zvangu like the Gen Z one in Renco Mine but I can smell early rains. But mukati Ba 2 havapengi imi? Suddenly we are all SADC chairpersons,can you imagine. Who in his right mind would want to be associated with such madness? Maybe he meant hake kuZanu ikoko but I am sure there are some even kuZanu kwacho vasingade kubatwa kumeso zvenhando. Ba 2 mukawana time muite mushe imi.
Zvinhu zvaoma ladies and gentlemen zvaakutoda prayer, this is the one of the few times I would wish Nero was the president. Imagine with how prayerful he is, zvinhu zvaidai zvichitofamba so. But he is trying hake mukomana, we all see the prayers and verses he posts every day and I am sure mese makamuona achitamba gaza kwaGutu kkk. We all know paakapinda gore riya cellphone lines that were bought using mombe were reduced to a dollar. Imagine madhurire ari kuita Starlink and we allow him to come back again kuti data rinochipa sei. I think this is the only way to persuade our youths to participate in civic processes rather than kuswerera gukamakafela. Can someone bring me a Starlink kit here please ndipindewpo mumasaisai? Kana bridge ragadzirwa road yanaka I am sure dust will be a thing of the past so the router will be safe. If you can’t beat them just join them, I am told Telone has since joined the agents who are selling the Starlink package, zvinoda kuonera ladies and gentlemen, it’s called survival.
Ko munenge muchiitana seiko musi weMunhumutapa imi? What happened to the presidential chopper? Who wanted to kill who? I am sure you all know the history of accidents in this teapot country. Vamwe voti Kedha was the target that’s why he boycotted vamwewo voti chaitoda mukuru chaiye, imiwoye kkkk zviro zvacho. But something doesn’t add up in this whole issue. I heard the popular theory saying the chopper was bound to Mbungo to pick up Mukuru. Is that so? Akambege aenda nei ikoko? Someone is hiding behind a finger. Vamwewo hanzi kudonha kwechikopokopo was just a warning sign from the real Munhumutapas who are sleeping mumasango nemumakomo that the name Munhumutapa cannot be abused like that for nothing. I remember gore riya when Uncle Bob commissioned Tokwe Mukosi, when Ba 2 introduced him he said, “Hama dzangu dzekuMasvingo, ndauya naVaMutapa Mambo wenyika ino.” I didn’t know he was creating a dynasty where he would replace Bob and become the Mutapa himself. So they want to make ED a king? All things start sefunny in Zim and mozongoona ah, zvatoita. Please Zanu PF people stop abusing the names of our ancestors, let them rest in peace. Remember you once put Mbuya Nehanda’s face on bond notes, what happened to them? Nhasi mava naMunhumutapa, tichanzwa kwaakutaurwa zvaKaguvi manje manje ipapa. What happened to that Munhumutapa Fund what what that is being led by John Panonetsa Mangudya. What’s so special about this Mutapa name? Stop abusing the name and fix the economy, Mutapa will not resurrect, just stop corruption or sanctions. We need new leaders and nothing else. Chete vanhu vacho havana nyadzi, they have no shame at all.
Speaking of the shameless Zanu PF, I heard about this guy who lost elections in 2018 and when to parliament nekuda kwaChigumba, uyu anonzani, Dexter Nduna. That guy is a clown sure. Kana kusanyara, sure murume mukuru kungoda kurarama nezvekuba every time. He rigged again but this time he rigged to get a degree, which is impossible. It’s only Dr Gire who could pull it off with her thesis that looked at how orphanhood led to children being in orpharnages. Who would have guessed, what an important research, kkk. People don’t learn, Nyagura was arrested gore riya. But zvaDr Gire zvaiva nani, she just made a phone call and all was set, izvi zvanaNduna zva zvechidofo, how can he force himself and authorities to graduate when he failed some modules? Hanzi wearing a gown does not mean graduating. Anyone can wear a gown but not everyone can graduate. Go and do farming mumapurazi amakatorera vanhu iwaya vana Nduna, unoda kuita lawyer raani? Who in his right mind would want to be represented by a thief? Ukuwo kuMpilo, a fake doctor was nabbed in the hospital, kuPari earlier kwakabatwa another one and you hear one saying Vision 2030.
I heard it was all smiles at State House recently as Ba 2 was welcoming one of his major critics, Baba VaMavhaire nasonny wavo. I am sure it’s now open to everyone that it’s about fattening their pockets than representing people. After being fired for telling Mugabe to retire, Mavhaire went on to join the new outfit led by Zimuroyi rekuDotito Runaida Joyce Teurai Ropa Mujuru kkkk. After causing its split and later its downfall, he went on to join the CCC and the Blind Pastor Nelson Chamisa went on to take him on board and put him close. I remember kuRujeko gore riya when Mavhaire came achiti ari kunzwa mudumbu and Pastor Chamisa prayed for him. Kutambisa munamanato. As if that was not enough, he was given a mic and took to the podium where he asked the youths kuti why do you want to vote for Ba 2 who is closer to the grave than the young Nero. He made sense right? Yes, I even clapped my hands ndiri kuno kuChitima ndichiti musharukwa areketa. We all know what happened on August 23. People voted for the one who is closer to the grave, fair enough, but takazongoona hedu kuti once Zanu PF, always Zanu PF. Mavhaire is like a stubborn fly that follows a corpse into the grave kkkk. I would forgive Mavhaire zvangu and say regai vakafa vavigane because they are all graves iye naBa 2 vacho, but what about his son? Ko uyuwo Chirume? I think this is an eye opener, we are all alone in this. We have no opposition in Zimbabwe, they are all Zanu PF projects hapana hapana. Opposition went to the grave with MRT, vamwe kutamba nesu.
I am sure we all know how our own Joshua dumped the people and retreated to be a Twitter pastor, giving us morning, afternoon and then midnight verses. We all know what happened to Polad. Everyone is aware about the Chabangu debacle. Speaking of Tshabangu, I used to agree with him that he was against Nero’s dictatorial tendencies and imposition of candidates and only realised my suspicions that it was all about the political party finances. He has fattened his pocket and I tell you this, the ploy is to nullify the 2028 elections so that 2030 vanenge vachipo kkk, mark my words.
Before I go hangu kunokanga maputi angu for lunch, has anyone heard from the former Minister of Physchomotor? Varova baba vaHungwe. I wonder where he is vanhu vachiita corruption munyika kudai. He used to say zvanzi naJehovaha rambai fufuro kkk. I wish he was hear reading the riot act to truant Zanu PF people like anaDexter vasingasvodi. I want to implore EMA to make sure that the Great Zimbabwe shrine was cleaned and cleansed. Kwakasiiwa a lot of rotten chicken inn boxes and all sorts of tsvina. I doubt kuti dai our beloved former VP Mphoko was there would tolerate that nonsense, wakangotarisa face yacho you will see kuti inenge ichitosemeswa nechekare, he wouldn’t allow people messing the national shrines. Iye aripiko? Mboko Imboko!!!!