Masvingo Birthday Bonanza rolls on

Ladies and gentlemen, my sincere hope is that you are keeping hydrated in this hot weather, even with the erratic water supply you just drink yezvibhorani iyoyo. Again with Zesa doing what it is mandated to do, what it knows best—switching off electricity, even when it’s not at fault, council now has an excuse, and a good one at that, of not providing water to residents, but we keep the hope up. Ko handiti we were promised that very soon there will be solar power at Bushmead and water rationing will be a thing of the past? It’s just that as a typical Zimbabwean I have lost count of things that we are told daily since many years ago they will be things of the past. If propaganda was capital, or if it could boost the economy, I’m sure Vision 2030 will now be a thing of the past before we even get there, kkkk. If you see varakashi praising nonsense you will think whoever is complaining about anything in Zimbabwe is crazy. I see these days they are in overdrive on social media platforms spewing rubbish day in day out, and even those from Masvingo have been recruited and are performing very well vanaKiri Charumbira, kusimbisa musangano kumasero. There is also one with a surname familiar with Masvingo, Chivi in particular, called Mukungunugwa who is busy threatening international comedian Learnmore Jonasi on social media platform X. I wonder if he or she is related to MP Huruva, and if he is, haa mutsiurei honourable arikutinyadzisa seprovince. Tell him even propaganda, just like patriotism has its limit. How many times shall we be laughed at as a province; just the other day, Mai Nhingi was dropping a baby on its head at that Doek and Slay flop. Wherever you turn, ‘Masvingo yazviita zvakare’. Some of the things are too difficult to defend when I am discussing with my fellow vagabond friends in the streets, have mercy on me please, one day I will leave you muchishorwa mumastreets, kkkk.
In this hot weather I just wish I was Tshabangu, or maybe if I had only a quarter of his attitude and bravery I could be drinking something very cold, in an airconditioned vehicle. I wish I didn’t have any shame at all because I could be eating naanaMunhu Mutapa and queens right now. You may say all you want but that man outwitted both Zanu and CCC to get what he wanted. Nhasi angoti murifa zete, while you are busy fighting each other in the streets. If anything, I think he is the ultimate winner in all this. He made fools out of everyone, including those in Zanu because what political capital will someone like Tshabangu bring in the long run? Bango Rako Baba Bertha could be better because we know he was in the opposition picture for a long time before he sold out, and its a fact he has some sympathizers who argue that he probably did it out of bitterness. Tshabangu was just planted like those SADC palm trees, and ended up getting into Senate, and now being invited to state events, where he rubs shoulders with the shefus, including vemargarine pamapendekete vanaChandaizment. Tshabangu restored my faith every day that its true, Mwari vanosimudza marombe kubva muguruva. Have you seen his recent pictures? He stopped foaming on the mouth, yaiva nhamo iya varume, kkkk. I am sure even our own Councillor Masimba has stopped burping after eating council food, he is now used to eating in excess. Zvaingoda Councillor Ma Dorca whom I heard knew very well how to treat herself at those council feasts after full council meetings. One day I should pass by when they are having one and clean my intestines with good food, not the rotten bananas I eat here at Chitima. How is our own Masvingo Senator Cde Sam Chapfudza? Iwo maSenator anomboita basa rei, I have never heard of him even kuno kuchitima kwaaishandira since he became senator.
Speaking of Masvingo, once again we have been remembered ladies and gentlemen because the ‘sadaka’ is coming to us this time. I will never forget the year 2016 when Ba Bona hosted his birthday feast at the same venue our new found Munhumutapa is hosting his. I remember Uncle Bob sitting next to Madzibaba Nhenjana kkkk. Where is that clown by the way kkkk. I ate leftovers from that venue for days, even though I had to walk back to town on foot because the truck that had brought us in its trailer had returned to wherever it came from. One thing I know is that Masvingo is only for such things—maleftovers and endorsing nonsense. At that Mugabe birthday back then, there were even hired spirit mediums who were used to endorse him. For Baba Two the ground has already been set, Masvingo was the first province to push the third term agenda, so I am sure the bootlicking level will be at an all-time high. The Bootlickers Club will obviously be in attendance, grinning and kneeling before their master, like I saw them giggling like toddlers in a bus on their way to Precabe Farm to praise their father for being an excellent farmer. Hanzi Mama Oki is the patron of the Agric4She, whatever that is. I just thought, what in the North Korea is this, haa this teapot shaped country ifirimu. Listen guys, Baba Two is following right in his predecessor’s footsteps, because the lessons are lost on him. People toured the Gushungo dairy farm, with Dr Amai in tow, just like what recently happened kuSherwood kuKwekwe musi uno. Birthdays were celebrated, days were pronounced, titles claimed, just like we are seeing, although the common denominator is always Masvingo being the playground for the Birthday Bonanza buffoonery. Izvo hazvichinji. Once the sirens for their motorcades are silent, we are back to our usual man-made poverty, waiting to endorse yet another nonsensical thing. We know that choosing the Great Zimbabwe Monuments venue, as well as the Munhumutapa title is a strategy, for what, I am yet to find out, but trust me, before the cock crows three times day after the feast, I will have the answers. You know me, ndiri gentleman handivanzi. What I am sure of however is we are going to have some masvikiro business going on there, endorsing and blessing the ‘Munhumutapa’. I wish these masvikiro will one day tell the truth about the looting and corruption, like the one from Renco Mine did. Manje we always hear about how the current President is the one chosen by the ancestors to lead. I just think there is somewhere where we are being fooled. The good part however about ED coming to Masvingo is that we get a lot of new temporary infrastructure—new roads, newly painted buildings, etc. A week after this, you will see, all the potholes will be back to their usual places. Buses that had long broken down were painted new in Mashava for Baba Two’s tour, with cattle brought to CSC to be seen by the country’s first citizen. I can imagine the confusion those cattle had, kkkk.
Anyway, let me go ndinokanga maputi angu for lunch, I don’t want to eat too much junk because I will be there at Great Zimbabwe feasting with others. Vagabonds like us have an advantage of eating even what has been thrown away, but I am sure I won’t miss one box rechicken inn, or maybe a loaf of bread made from wheat yekuSherwood. I hope all my good friends descend to Masvingo for the party, especially Runaida, Dr Gire, and my very best Mphoko. I hope he will be seated in the same tent with other bootlickers, giving them notes on how to properly lick their master’s boots, kusvika pakuda kupa mudzimai waShefu kambani yacho. Mboko imboko!