Opposition for ED: gift that keeps giving

Ladies and gentlemen, or should I say esteemed chairmen and chairwomen, I hope you have now seen that just like the weather, things in this country change real quick and fast! Who would have known that a week that started with a cold spell, even cooler than winter will end in a heat wave? But you Zimbabweans should not be surprised by this. Infact by now you should be used, and if not kunenge kutori kuzviitisa. Mr Strong Zigi ukooo, how far Cde Trabha? Kkkkk, but Mutsvangwa should be arrested for mocking the President, because surely, I highly doubt that he didn’t know that Mushayazano’s currency was going to bite the dust huku isati yarira katatu. Remember Mutsvangwa’s boy Nevy is the godfather of the parallel market, and was even caught and released as a diversion to us the brainwashed. Kana ndatuka sorry kwacho. I can bet with my last bunch of rotten bananas that the average Zimbabwean citizen’s brain now feels like it has been shaken in a jar or something like that because zvinhu zvacho hazvimbonzwisisiki. One moment people are celebrating a new currency, excited about the gold-containing notes as was being rumoured in the streets, and the next moment we are back to where we began. It’s an endless cycle, and trust me, this abusive relationship we are in with Baba Two’s administration will leave us all bonkers. Kutopenga chaiko. Opposition for ED, just like in 2017, was in the streets with all of us celebrating the new money in April, now vanaLinda are writing mirabaraba yemastatements castigating RBZ. Ukaonawo Linda otsamwiswa nemusangano, haa pakonekwa, because she usually has a very strong character, imagine finding out your own child had an affair with your husband and you forgive him, even after he brutalizes you upon being caught. Handiti you see what you are doing VaMushayazano naMthuli wenyu ikokoko? President Linda had to voice out, even though it’s being said she may be protesting the reduction of her allowance for kurakasha opposition online. It’s said allowances are being cut in half, that’s why we are seeing elements of disgruntlement in a number of varakashi’s tones. Coffers are running dry in the corridors of power ka, remember its all looting and no meaningful production apa maelections achiri kure so priorities change. Also remember the Polad benefits didn’t accrue this time around, Baba Two realized that he was wasting resources on people who still love him regardless. A hungry man is an angry man remember, although in this case we can say woman, mubiyangu. Another member of the Opposition for ED Dhagi was recently grinning like a fool at the Labour Party conference in the UK, praising and trying to bootlick the Prime Minister weko, without even considering that those things do not move those people like that. The Chief Attender, Cde Participant, Invitee-In-Chief Bango Rako could not miss the opportunity to take selfies there, just like he did kuSadc when him and his boys vanaRicerechibhoyi waited for everyone to leave so they could take some pictures. I sincerely hope that one day Cde Raa Raa will be able to use these photos to apply for something because he is really working on his collection.
Who would have guessed that Roki would wield such power? That guy used to wear slippers, boarding mushikashika and did not even have a single waist belt that matched with any of his clothes zuro uno, now he holds the power to recall and appoint. Taizviona paaiita tuck in ka, coming to council meetings when he was newly elected kuti belt nderemutaro mutaro aya ekumarunner aya. Hanzi he just says ‘ndakutofona’ macouncilor otohwa mudumbu, kkkkk. He has become Opposition 4ED Chief Member Senator Tshabangu’s trusted lieutenant here in the province. From slippers to D4D, just like our Senator Chapfudza, from vendor to senator. Chandinoona ini, zvakaoma. From street cleaner to council vana Alaica. Then you hear someone saying Mwari haasimudze marombe from the dust, imika.
Yet another revered member of the Opposition for ED was recently in Gutu down there in Muchekayaora drinking mukumbi with traditional leaders in preparation of God-knows-what. We all know that access to traditional leaders is tricky turf when one is opposition, moreso if one is at Nero’s level. I cannot help but believe that some hands are being greased behind closed doors kuti titambiswe chipokoround. One thing for sure though is that all what has happened since he stepped down from Changu Chete Chete will further embolden him since no one has risen to the occasion and tried to lead a vibrant opposition. Daddy journalist’s GIE died before it lived. I can tell you for free that Nero is going to use that whenever he feels like using the electorate again, and this time he will be bolder. Whoever advises Nero knows very well that the goal is not to end up on the helm of this country, because some of the mistakes he makes seem too well calculated, just to piss people off, imposing candidates, making political blunders. I think nayewo he wouldn’t want to inherit nyika yava mamvemve kudaro. Unotangira pai kusona kana ndimiwo? Also, I think he has lost the popularity and support of the people who initially supported him, who now see him for who he truly is. It’s just another 4ED ladies and gentlemen, plus let me remind you kuti vanobva kusame area naBaba Two. I bet Mavhaire saw that it was taking time akati ko kukurumidza ndaenda ndega ndinei. Food will be finished at home while you are waiting to get a sign, ukafa nenzara, kkkk. Even those in Zanu are baffled at the speed at which chimudhara managed to squeeze his was back in such style. Also, they know the man is a short fuse and retains some power, nekutoziva musangano so they can’t help but feel the threat. Let’s wait and see but I know there is gnashing of teeth within the province about Dzika’s return, mark my words. Right now members of the Bootlickers Association are positioning themselves strategically, so that they remain in our “Motherly mother” Oksy and her husband’s good graces. I saw that UBH banner and instead of laughing, ndakanzwa tsitsi at the level of bootlicking. I thought the younger generation of Zanu leaders will be better, bva iihh, what would you tell someone like Machakaire when the bootlicking bug has bitten him? If you try to advise him against it he may even donate his family members to Baba Two. VanaMachakaire, Paradza and Mudhumi we thought they would be more rational but alas. Speaking of, nhai Hon Mudhumi maakuitana sei futi with our friends from the east? It happens, just do the community service mupedze zvenyu imi cde, don’t forget to carry your sunhat and water bottle in this heat, before you know it, zvinenge zvatopera. Good thing is you have learned your lesson, madhiri anombodhirika.
I hear that chiefs have gotten new vehicles on top of what they have. That is happening at a time when drought and hunger are showing people red kumamisha uko. But wait, I am yet to receive my own chimukuyu chenzou here at Chitima, I hope some corrupt government official will not dribble me please ndasuwa nyama. The rotten bananas and maputi diet is making me malnourished with each passing day. Chete, I am a child from Masvingo, so food poverty has been normalized here. The province that is crying for Baba Two’s third term has made headlines for topping in child food poverty. Probably the malnutrition and stunted growth got into the heads yamDCC nemaPCC members that’s why they started pushing that 2030 agenda. Varegererei kumwe kutorwara maybe.
Let me go ndindokanga maputi angu for lunch. These days I usually stroll to the showgrounds to pick some leftovers since I finished those I picked at the monuments during the birthday. Ko ndini ndadiiwo handiti even the legend Mutukudzi’s children vaingodyawo zvasiiwa nevamwe? Before I go, please hug a civil servant whenever you see one because with what the Zig rates have done, they need it. Asi Zanu ka, Mwari ave nemi. Especially you members of the Opposition 4ED, muchandotsva kudenga. Also, greet my friend Mphoko when you see him and beg him not to let them close Choppies please, ngavataurirane negovernment varombo vawanewo kwekutenga. Until next week, mboko imboko!