Devalued and deflated, RIP ZiG

Ladies and gentlemen, Climate change is real ndakazozviona. Others are joking saying corruption is everywhere that’s why we are seeing June manifesting in October. Kwatonhora and I am worried about my fellow homeless people in town who had increased vachiti chando chakaera. When we were growing up kwedu kwaChirimudombo, this is the time we would spend our weekend’s kurwizi tichitsvaka hove and swimming. Back then it was normal for boys and girls with big breasts to swim in the same pond and nothing would happen. Manje now it can’t. I have heard numerous reports of grade seven pupils failing to sit for their exams because vakamitiswa. I am not sure if that is also being caused by climate change as well but mmm, it’s too much. We have lost ubuntu as a people and zvaiyera hazvichayeri. Ndangoti ndipfuure napo hangu and warn madhara asiyane nevana. Let’s abide by the laws and those breaking it should be punished, men you should let eggs be birds mhani. Siyai kudya mango neSalt. Climate change is real, we really need mitigating factors but eish, nechihurumende chedu chemaZig ichi haa hapana kwatinoenda. This kind of weather change requires action and if we do not adapt, we will all perish.
Speaking of the ZiG government, I am sure you all saw the RBZ surrendering and throwing in the towel to the black market forces. Kungomuka zvavo vakakwidza rate kkkk. They are now competing with the money changers and their aim is to make sure you spend the little US you have so that vanokokota yese. I once warned Boys dzeSmoko kuti ZiG is not the solution. Stop corruption and chikorokoza and see what happens. People have lost confidence and nomatter the amount of propaganda you churn out, they will not listen. Pakuda zvitsva apa. Yes there is need for new things. Nhasi zvangu nevakomana vemablack sunglasses and cheap nylon suits. I never said we need new leadership ini. All I am saying we all want new things and let’s try that and see if we cannot turn around the economy for the better. Kana ndichitaura Batai mazwi, I said the ZiG will collapse just like the Bond vakati ndinopenga. I predicted its fall zvangu but let me admit publicly like a gentlemen, I didn’t mean this fast kkk. I hate saying kare kwaiva nani but I think Panonetsa was better that this. The Bond survived for few years not zvatiri kuona izvi, sure kutadza kupedzawo gore rimwe zvaro kkkk. This is a circus. Dr John MushayaValue is clueless and it’s time for reshuffle. He should be fired immediately because his ZiG notes now accepting applications for toilet paper kkk. It was devalued and deflated kkk. Gono was doing from Zero to Hero but this is vice versa, the strong Zig has fallen. But tell me, vanhu veZanu vakanyatsoita sei chaizvo. I heard that Zanu PF legislators were singing Chibaba Chibaba after Ba Two delivered a high sound nothing SONA and lied that they had strategically and intentionally devalued the ZiG. That’s very funny, these guys do not want to admit that they have failed. The ZiG has failed and they want to lie that they are devaluing it. A few months ago it was touted as the strongest currency, now it’s being devalued. Maybe there is another meaning to devalue that I don’t know because who in his right mind would want to devalue a currency that is strong. Hee, in South Africa with a stronger economy they were recently celebrating the rand for gaining value against the USD and someone who calls self-President is devaluing his own currency, isn’t that madness. Someone school me here, are you sure the Ecobank heist gang went away with 4million. 4 million chaiyo chaiyo here guys, if it’s true then ah pakaipa kkk. I am sure our boys will act swiftly sezvavanosiita. I hope they will crack this one easily the same way they do with opposition politicians after an ‘unsanctioned’ meeting. I use to hear people saying daylight robbery and did not understand the meaning but now I fully understand, that was a daylight robbery. Well-orchestrated and executed zvekuti driver akatobuda zvake mugateway car to help others lift 4 million and put it in the truck. I suspect that it was an inside job and it involves some big guys somewhere somehow. Ah sure they couldn’t just disappear like that. This is how our resources are being looted by the Chinese while we are watching and recording videos zvedu. No action just like the police officer who is in one of the heist videos.
I heard ZACC is at it again, this time pedu paZaka Rinopisa apa, busy arresting matemba nezvikwaya leaving big fishes and sharks. They recently arrested Madam Mayor vepaZaka but as usual she will be out as she is currently out on bail. Nyaya ichazongoshaya basa at some point unless they just want to make her a sacrificial lamp. Yeah anogona kutonyura hake Fungai because she abused her office and authorized payment of allowances to councilors amounting less than US$3K. What 3k ladies and gents when vene are busy looting millions of dollars pasina zvavari kuitwa. The country is being run naBa 2 and his family, they are everywhere and nothing is being done. One of Ba 2’s loyal sons who has been hibernating is back with a bang. I mean Sir Weakness Chivharo, I recently saw a video where he was in UK and booking a 4k pound apartment per night. I am not sure how many nights did he spend there and you wonder kuti where is he getting that much to splash while the ordinary Zimbabweans are suffering. He also gifted step mother Daisy uya wekuzadzisa upenyu hwaTuku hwakange huri gasva with a Toyota Fochuna. Huchirikadzi HwaBhadhara. I saw imwe team isingade kusaririra, Nicky the propagandist and the tall army Guy JP varipowo paipiwa vamwe mota ipapo. Ko kutadza nei kunosuppoter step mother vedu kkk seka zvako Mapombi, nhamo ine nharo. Kuisa marasha kuHwange when hospitals have no paracet. Nxaa iwe Chivhayo une misikanzwa saka pfira dandy.
Although apo, paBulawayo apo pari sei, the Province has suffered a double tragedy sure, nezuro they lost 4 million to robbers and today they are mourning the passing on of Tshinga Dube. Soon we will be back again pachikomo. Vakomana the song yee-yee iyee-ye mainyanyira this year, can you change it moisawo kamwe. My deepest condolences to the Dube family, wafa Wanaka though we know the guy enabled Zanu PF to be where it is right now. He was once Minister of war veteran’s right? The guys who went to war to liberate Zimbabwe from the white minority rule to Zanu PF monopoly rule. Didn’t you hear kuti ichatonga kusvika madhongi amera nyanga. They are really sure to do that that’s I why they managed to destroy the only people’s hope. Yes Chamisa though full of drama, he was the only hope people of Zimbabwe had and now it’s gone tangosara naChabangu and his tsvimbo kkk. Asika, one day is one day Mwari vachadavira minamato yedu.
Before I go zvangu kunokanga maputi angu for lunch, I wouldn’t have done justice if I go without talking about Mwonzora and his UK drama. Togarasei na Simba Chikanza munenge muchiitana seiko kuUK uko. I heard Mwonzora threatened hotel staff saying he was president of the biggest opposition parties after they allowed Simba in Mwozora’s room around 3 am kkk. Vakomana, Togarasei is still chopping cash from the political party finances dzegore riya? Inga vakafaa Havana chavakaona sure. Ko Vana Welsh nana Chabangu vavapapi nenyaya yavo. They are still fighting for control of both the party and the loot kkk. Before I go pane here akambonzwa nezvaformer VP vaMphoko. Kana pane amuona please tell him that his incubators could be handy now that winter has encroached into summer, ofcoz that is kana pane amwe akasara. MBOKO IMBOKO !!!!