ED and the thieves surrounding him: the gift that keeps giving

Ladies and Gentlemen, I know you have been celebrating the announcement that ED will not be on the ballot paper come 2028. Yes, for those who were not in the know ndofunga matozvinzwa. Masoja akachibata kuti dzvii and vakazviramba. He announced the news a few days after commander ZNA vataura kuti Zanu PF haibviswe nepen and paper and went on to do a pamberi neZanu slogan but didn’t do the crazy 2030 vanenge vachipo nonsense. That was a sign, vakomana vakajamuka mufunge chete zvakangofanana zvazvo chero akasapinda, chopiwa ani? Kedha? Riya idhandahead I doubt kuti zvingabuda. So because of that vakomana vaakubira kuoneka kkkk. Kurovera kuodza.
I hope you have already learnt who the true ‘sons’ of this establishment are, seeing Chivharo still gallivanting while his fellow criminals are wallowing in jail. Maikoro Chimhuru has been cut to size, kkkkkk. He is no longer Chimombe, with the way he bit the dust the other day coming out of the prison truck. Kkkk hanzi ane musoro unenge map yeUganda. As a woman kamoyo kekubereka kakada kumbondibata but haa, dhemeti mhani these people are thieves who steal the country’s resources isu vanyai tichitambura. Mari dzenyika manje hadzidi kubiwa zvechihwai hwai, we all know the modus operandi doesn’t require a lot of noise, zvinoda low low, yekwaBaba Two nemabhuradha avo vanaSean, but vanaChimombe because of greed nekupata kwechibharanzi he is now in hot soup. Apa hadzina kana zita riri paAny company document paGoatsgate paya, the company was registered in Moze Mpofu and another female gweregwere’s name. I’m reminded of that other time when Chimombe was a guest at some high class Nigerian wedding held in Zimbabwe kukauya vanaDavido, ehe payazve when all mbingas wore green, looking like Nigerians. Even then waingoona kuti mari haina hayo kumbovafita baba ava, he looked like he was wearing curtains zvake Maikoro, kkkkk. I know you are all thinking Mapombi should extend grace to a suffering man, but the truth is I am actually enjoying this. Vanotinunira muromo mhani vanaKabias ava nemari dzenyika, misleading our youths into thinking kuti making an honest living is impossible in Zimbabwe.
I do not have sympathy to waste, and I am eagerly waiting for everyone’s turn ndigosekazve. Kusi kufa ndokupi? Even though its catch and release or it has been orchestrated kuZanu ikoko ndezvenyu, at least I got the satisfaction of seeing mbavha falling from a prison truck for a change. It gives us a break from seeing citizens being persecuted for exercising their rights—those 78 who were arrested for commemorating Youth Day varikuberekana wani kupinda mucourt with broken and swollen feet, without an ounce of sympathy from the state. Zvichakuwanaiwo sezvine meso asi. Sikhala suffered until he came out of prison ava disoriented, ava kutaura kunge Mandela. Kwasara mai vaya vekuZEC who is alleged to have received mafunds enyika for personal use. Zvichapera hazvo, look at how Gen Zees are showing Ruto flames kusvika adzinga cabinet yose paKenya apo. They dragged a whole head-of-state to X Spaces to address them, which is a gamechanger. Muno asi mati ari Susan Mutami who would have called for the X Space to narrate her countless escapades with influential people, exposing how state resources are abused by these people and their concubines. But Africa is bewitched chete; infact our leaders are bewitched.
Ruto would rather sacrifice everyone else except himself to save his skin and cling to power. Everyone else is at fault except him. Ndozvavari maAfrican leaders’ aya and havatonyari zvachose. But I think what happened in Kenya is a WhatsApp ah, no wake up call for our youths as well as vene. I think vaakuziva kuti once macitizens ajamuka zvatoendwa. I mean citizens as vana vemuZimbabwe, lest I will be labled kuti ndiri wekwaChabangu or blue movement kkkk. Iko yakazoendepiko movement iya? Ndopayaidiwaka apa tobva taita zvatakadzidziswa nevamwe vedu paKenya. Let me not say much about this lest I will be accused of trying to cause Aram and dhispondenzi especially now that SADC summit yaakuda kusvika. By the way, I heard other people saying they can’t allow ED to be handed over the chairmanship of the regional block. Inini hangu handipo ipapo, that’s not his post but ndechedu seZimbabwe. It’s not like he threw a CV akanzi you are the best foot forward. It’s our right as a country nhaika. The SADC chairmanship rotates saka kana chanzi chiuye kuno regai chiuye, ndechedu. Even if something happens in November then the incoming President becomes the Chair. So kana mati chimuti chitijambe and something happens what will we do? I didn’t say something will happen mumwedzi waMbudzi, ndiri kungoti ko kana zvikaitika since the thieves are surrounding the President.
On the other hand, in rural schools where poverty is the order of the day, Mhamha is busy doing zvanaNhanga Gota and the very schools that can’t even afford decent classrooms are paying to attend these workshops. Nekudivi Beam is not coming, woshaya kuti zvirikumbofamba sei. SekuEducation uko, corruption yakaita kupfunya chisero chaiko, and dzirikudyiwa mari through dubious programmes. If ever there was an entity with misplaced priorities, it will be the government of Zimbabwe. They would rather pay fraudsters upfront, in millions of dollars when people are dying from poor health services. Tinozongozvinzwa kana zvatosvorana gonzo nachin’ai, that is when you hear of these dizzying figures that were used to go for holiday’s nemabhebhi. Arresting these fraudsters is also not done in good faith, nor with the will of the people at heart. Kutongoti kana Ba2 vajutiwa neshamwari dzavo mbavha kumishonga yekugorosi kwavo uko kotonzi kombai tirove, ZACC saa bata! I think mukwambo Wadyajena paya paakambopinda busy anenge anga ashungurudza mwana wenyika, or he had probably been caught doing zvemujolo, because how all the charges were dropped show you that claiming to arrest corruption by these people is nothing but a joke.
Zimbabwe is one big crime scene. You know, at times I end up forgiving Zimbabweans who follow vanaMai Titi nanaMadam Boss to the extent of allocating themselves camps, hanzi hee cat family what what. I think it is a coping mechanism to survive the trauma yezvinoitika in this country. Everything is meant to cover up something when it comes to the ED establishment. Nothing makes sense at all. Everything is a façade. Right now vari busy kukwesha man’a for vaenzi veSADC, kugadzira maroads and everything. Zvekuti macitizens need clear communication about which roads to take and which ones have been closed ratova drama to them. They don’t care, as long as SADC is coming to give them a big thumbs up for a job well done, vana vachifira musewage kuKambuzuma uko. It’s their house, imi hamutomborina kana basa. Let’s wait and see how Advocate Fulcrum’s case goes in the courts against Sanyatwe’s utterances. Varikupamhwazve like what happened in 2018 after elections, kkkk. Ndeavo macourts aya. Chete zvemuno munyika we have all been damaged and gaslighted by the government to a point where we no longer trust anyone. Tinomuka mangwana takunzwa kuti Advovo has won case, dziri zvadzo factionalism dzemuZanu and we will see who Zanu has in store for us. Hameno Nero arikumboita zvemacousins ake kuti he is coming back here. Kuchaenda nhete zvokwadi. Izvozvi mudzin’anga umu hamusi kuvatwa kkkkk. VanaPhidza all the jollying namadam vanyowani will soon be over because you never can tell what will happen next. I think zvakuda kutotangaso with all we are hearing about live bullets being found at doorsteps, while houses are being broken into kwaMnangagwa uko. But some people have guts, kusatya kufa here asi kunobreaker into the house yemwana weNumber One citizen?
Anyway let me go ndinokanga maputi angu zvangu for lunch. Mazuvano mabanana akaora mashoma nechando, but gaffa harizoshaye plan. Aiwa not gaffa rekuCult kwaWinky D naChamisa where they will insult even your ancestors, no. It’s just a figure of speech, musazondituka like you did to Themba Gorimbo kusvika ati sorry.
If you happen to see VaMphoko, please tell him that vamwe vaakunzi vadzose zvavakaba, how far iya yehotera nezvitiyo? Baby Boy Nevy Mutsvangwa akazopera here mafindifuva ekuremand? Chimombe needs some notes, plus a few others who are joining him soon as the Auditor General’s report is upon us, which spells yet another ‘catch and release episode’. Otherwise, mboko imboko!