Enter the ‘lawfare’ season

Ladies and gentlemen, I hope you all saw what I meant when I said kwatiri kubva ndokwatiri kuenda. I am pretty sure that you have now accepted that ‘nyika inotongwa nevana vangu’ kkkkkk. Someone said we should rename this teapot shaped country Zimbanagwa so that it makes real sense. Following the announcement of the cabinet, takangozvionerawo tega kuti haa ikabati chaiyo, yekumba kwavo chaiko, nothing to cry home about. Unosvika paunozorora. But one thing is apparent in that cabinet; kwaGutu ED anotokuda zvekudaro, just look at the number of people who made it into cabinet from that district. Unozoshaya kuti Chamisa kakaresvei zvaakakamaka, kachingobvawo kwaChiwara wani nhai vedu. On election day, all Masvingo polling stations opened at 7am, vamwe vachizovhota kondoidza the following. Ende huye kwakavhotiwa not mbichana. I guess that is one of the reasons the province got such a huge reward. When Mapombi heard that cabinet was about to be announced ndakatofanogeza maMuchekezve ini thinking dzaingogona kungowirawo mutswanda wanike hapana chembwa vatenzi vararira mangai.
I was fascinated during the week with how discussions about certain individuals who made it into that cabinet. People were on each other’s throats arguing about credentials of the new ministers. Just like our very own new Councilor Alaika Time ve ‘vhest biolence’, and Clr Tafara Masimba who belched loudly on camera vaguta mipunga nekokora yekanzuru, wedu Mavetera akabva azarurawo huru when asked about her new portfolio. Dear Minister, what were you on about pamaCALA neICTs? Mabiyangu munotisvodesereiko? A simple Google would have saved you the embarrassment of being a high sounding nothing in front of the camera. Kuumba hari dzemaCala neICT zvinowirirana papi? The nation is suffering from high data tariffs, plus the digital divide being widened by this, and then you come and show us how clueless you are about your ministry—ndochii ichocho? Mapombi anenge achitodawo masaisai kuno kuChitima kuti ndizive zvirikuitika muglobal village, bva shungu dzinopera nezvakadai zvatinoitirwa neteam rekwaMai Welli, kkkkk.
Don’t get me started on what Mahere and Ostallos did kunaMavetera. What was that nhai maNew honorables? You display such disgusting mentality in public, mozoti hee people attack us unnecessarily. Cde Ostallos that was very wrong and Mapombi condemns it with the utter abhorrence it deserves. I hope the apology you made in that regard was sincere, otherwise mmm mafungiro iwawo haachadi munhu waHonorable so. I have also heard that Ostallos is in trouble with the law, and the charges keep piling. Asi nhai imi vanhu veZanu, do you think we cannot see that this is simply a ‘lawfare’ you have launched against opposition and dissenting voices? We all know your modus operandi, and this does not surprise us at all. Mapombi also saw Maureen Kademaunga and Harare deputy mayor Kadzombe in the same predicament. Cheza and the Chirumhanzu four makavharira. Job Sikhala is still languishing in prison. Ngarivhume ariko futi kuseri ikoko. Nhaka kunongosareni Mapombi kuno kuChitima, but you people hamutombosvodi kana. My prayer is that we get to 2028 nyika ino isati yava monarchy because where we are going hakuna kunyatsojeka.
Our police does not even have the shame; they arrest these people vombochengetwa vasina zvavo charge, waiting for that other department to come up with trumped up charges to prove their case. Every institution is under the influence of our drunken politics, hakuna yaunoti iyi. Just look at the bureaucracy in government departments and other state institutions, even uchida kuita business or investing, the red tape inongokuudza wega kuti we are in the pits of hell.
You see, our problem in this country is political leadership. Musazoti ndakupandukira hurumende zvamurimi, let me explain. Politics of patronage is our biggest undoing that is why we find clowns and monkeys in positions of power making critical decisions that affect everyone’s livelihood. And izvozvo zviri kwese, kumusangano unotonga nemimwe yacho, reason why you get slogans like ‘Dhagi Dhagi Chete Chete’, ‘Pfee’ and ‘Ngaapinde Hake Mukomana’. The only goal is kupinda in power, zvekuti what will you do for the masses yatove imwe nyaya. Our politics is too short-sighted and it’s all about usurping power and amassing wealth, zvevanhu dololo. Mapombi watches with disdain muchiita madrama enyu kumapato uko, knowing very well it is going to spill into policy making. The truth of the matter is we all suffer, especially now that we have made the clear distinction of which party controls where; pese panobhadharwa mvura nemagetsi Zanu hainongi and kwese kunoonekwa rice kamwe pagore CCC hailumiwo. If you look at the people you voted for, starting right from local authorities’ mega munongoona kuti maingovhotera zita remusangano, no substance at all. Vapei mukana wekutaura if you want to really know the leaders you stood in long queues to vote for, most of them hapana nezviripo and some don’t even know their mandates. Chero dai makauya kunditora ini Mapombi here at Chitima mobva mandipfekedza dzeyellow ndopinda paballot, I was going to get a seat mukanzuru umu ndikaswera ndotodzvovawo fanta sanaTafara Masimba. The only difference however will be inini ndinoonera manje, although I’m a vagabond anorarama nemabanana akaora.
What amazes, or rather amuses me however is how we find ourselves in the same situation every five years. I don’t know hangu those who studied psychology kuti what got us here, but one day we need to realise the power the masses have in changing this narrative. Kusvika riini vanyai tichitambura? Handiti you heard ED chanting gore riya kuti ‘the voice of the people is the voice of God’, imimika ndimi maibvigwa kunzi voice of God, asi ani, kkkkkk. Munotambura henyu but hanzi you are the voice of God, and that is a strong affirmation. Mukomana on the other hand anenge achingodeedzerawo, ‘dzosai mazepe emwana, gore rino ndakarima mhiripiri’ kkkk, kuseka nhamo kunge rugare. One day people will wake up and realize kuti taiitiswa.
Guys, tell me, what’s going on naJenarari? It looks like his faction is lying low after elections. Zvamanje manje Campbell ndoari kurira, hoping kuti haavhuri large very soon kumadhirezi uku like he is used to. Anyway, regai ndinokanga zvangu maputi angu for lunch before you accuse me of yep yepping. Mukaona Teurai Ropa naMphoko just say hie to them on my behalf. Moti yanga iri sei Inaguresheni kkk. Mboko imboko.