We have a useless opposition

Ladies and gentlemen, let me start by saying the level of incompetence exhibited in this country by some parastatals is appalling. It does not even feel like an election year because haa, it’s just vibes mumacorridors of power umo. Mapombi is not even mad about that because she has accepted kuti vanogobvunzwa nani havo. With these powercuts we thought we were going to have at least some communication on what is going on, if not a lasting solution but haa it’s just blackouts everywhere nekuinformation kwacho. It seems as if no one is bothered about state of affairs in this country except usurping power. Munonyadzisa henyu.
I heard that it was an icecream galore kuChiefs Hall uko muMasvingo maZanu achiratidzwa mabhiza ekumhanya nawo in the next election. Kunenge kuri kumakubukasva chokwadi, hanzi chembere dzemaMucheke dzakanamwa nayo icecream kuita yekutarisa vatengerwa chingoro chose ini kuno kuchitima ndichifa nawo mabanana akaora kkkkk, seka hako Mapombi. Iyo icecream yamunoda iyi yakazopotsa yaendesa vamwe vakuru gore riya vakanoponera mhiri. Asi zvimwe ndezvimwe G40 neLacoste was something else. Drama after drama. Even Zvipfukuto and Gamatox was not that vicious but mmm Zanu yakaoma varume, climax yemafactions always marks kudonha kwemimwe mikono, regai tione kwazvinosvika but itaika muchitipa real names of those factions not those of people. We want real faction names zvinakidze not to call them yanhingi or yanhingi.
Anyway, imi vanhu veopposition tinyareiwo. What kind of opposition is so useless zvekudaro? We are barely a few months before elections but we have not heard much about what the government in waiting will do. Are you guys sure by the end of the year we will be having a new government or kungotaurawo henyu? All I hear of is Zanu this, Zanu that, ko mi muchatiitireiko nhai hurumende itsva? I even saw a detailed analysis of Zanu aspiring candidates being shared by opposition bigwigs kudoti pamwe I will see eCCC, wanei dololo. You have to tell us the horse that you’re running with on time, tojairana, and he /she gives us an elections manifesto otinyepera bho bho paine time not just kungoti zii. At least do some serious mobilization for voter registration, muchiratidzawo kuti you are actually serious about being in government. Let me tell you this, decampaigning Zanu will not do anything for you because it’s not even a secret that Zanu is incompetent. Everyone knows nyangwe kuno kuchitima zvazara kuti musangano urikuremerwa. Musi uno Vendors4ED tried to drag me into marching around town ndikaramba ini. Ndiswere ndichitambisa chiuno pakati pedhorobha mukadzi mukuru to what end? I refused ini. I may be poor but I am not mad, seeing that the 4ED outfits are just increasing by the day. I can assure you however that you may never hear of Mapombi4ED because zvawandirwa kkkkkk. One thing I know is every other 4ED grouping is in it for material benefits, link remusangano, kuda kudya too much kkkk. You all don’t love Zanu like that but it’s just that you think if you get close to power munodyawo. Chete politics is a dirty game; you might actually like this musangano wedu because I heard one comrade saying all of us, opposition included are disgruntled Zanu PF supporters and all else is confusion.
Ladies and gentlemen, now that the final delimitation report has been presented naPriscilla to ED, zvaakuchitanga kunakidza manje. If the new boundaries are anything to go by, Kedha anenge aenda nechinhu but if we go back to 2018 boundaries motongoziva kuti 2030 vanenge vachipo like he said. We know the drill ka, power inonaka iyi. It will be a clean sweep third term for ED, mark my words, ini ndiri gentleman handivanzi. The situation however ladies and gentlemen is tricky because Kedha and crew will definitely need opposition support to meet the target, neiyo opposition yedu iyoyi inenge itori zvayo neconfusion, strategy yacho inogona kuvatorera nguva kuibata but let’s wait and see. Zimbabwean politics is not for the fainthearted. Kunofiwa zvokwadi oo. Still on the delimitation report, there will be a lot of confusion especially the unlucky ones vachachinjirwa maconstituency. I say unlucky because voter education in this country idambudziko. Inenge iri tumbi tuzu chokwadi and this is a challenge to all stakeholders kuti muite basa renyu so that voters are properly educated especially on the new electoral boundaries.
I see that Zanu PF is already in election mood; infact they are always in that mood ungati pane chavanochinja. But on that note time time mutikwanire. I heard one of the Vendors4ED threatening flea market tenants near the Tsungai area in Masvingo that they all belonged to Zanu and those not from Zanu should be kicked out. If you find time please kwanai handiti. We don’t want violence isu and that’s where it all starts. That kind of threats belong in 2008 and before, not in this age. Stop it forthwith!Munopenga! Ko ivo Dr Gire where is she nhaimi ndavasuwa. She often comes out of her hiding place nekafashion statement but now mmm, vanyararisa. I last heard about the Mugabe family mazuva aya when Rob Jnr was moving around with that lunatic Pasion Java. It never ends well if you associate with madmen. If you lie down with dogs, don’t be surprised if you get fleas. I saw him ava mumabed with drips and all, unefa mukomana ukaita zvekutamba.
Opposition, handisati ndapedza nemi. I saw vanaMudzuri condemning Mwonzora the other day saying he tore the party apart. I could not believe my ears hearing Mudzuri saying MDC which was once a big party has now become a very small thing. Kkkkkkkkk, mudhara maiti zvichazodii chaizvo? What did you think was going to happen after the stunts you pulled gore riya? Zvimwe zvinosetsa chokwadi. Anyway, dzinganai dzinganai ikoko, Nero is there zvacho chichingodurura maverse kkkkk. He turned 45 recently and my advice to you hanzvadzi is that 45 is the age of wisdom. I believe the age of a midlife crisis is over now, so stop chasing clout on Twitter and put energy on the ground. Likes on Twitter do not equate to votes, I hope you know that. Beware of diaspora—inongopusha narrative but does not vote, imi muchiti mune vanhu. They will support your idea online but on the ground atova makwikwi. They don’t even encourage their folks and people they support financially to register to vote because they think those people apparently do not understand so called political discourse but miraika muone vachikavira bhora mudondo kkkk. The rural folk go out to vote and are at polling stations very early on voting day, muzvizive izvozvo imi VaChamisa.
Then another thing; please tell us about the policies you will implement when you get into power. Yes, we see the nice pictures of spaghetti roads and bullet trains but we need to know how we will get there so that we appreciate kuti surely change is coming. Tinotomada maspaghetti roads and mabullet trains but right now all we think about that is dzingori ngano dzatsuro nagudo. We need efficiency and economic growth not zvaMthuli Ncube anotitaurira zvebudget surplus isu tichikwangwaya. Hatidyi mapercent isusu, we want better life.
Let me go ndindokanga maputi angu for lunch, apa moto urikunetsa because kwakanaya, ini zvangu ini. But before I go, chati homu chareva. I hope you will take a word or two from what I have said mazvinzwa here vana Musorobhangu. Kana ED aita gazette final delimitation report mundiudzewozve so that I know kuti ndakarashigwepi, kkkkk.