You lost the plot Dr John

Ladies and gentlemen, it has been a busy week for me down here at Chitima picking up mabond notes arikuraswa nevanhu, all with the hope that maybe ndikaendawo kubank I may get something out of it. The only problem is that like many Zimbabweans, even those who claim to be formally employed, I do not have a bank account, aah ko vazhinji vavo vanohora mumaenvelope like zvaita vana sekuru vedu kumapurazi back then during colonial times. Ehe kwatiri kubva ndokwatiri kuenda, asi hamuzvizivi? Overnight, vanhu vakangomuka vaakupihwa maspaghetti and packets of majiggies as change in kombis because bond note harichashandi. Those who went to town using mushikashika in the morning and were given bond notes as change vakatogurira kudzokera kumba in the evening because yanga isisakwane. We are back again to that bearer cheques era where people would only manage one way to town, kudzoka dzaiva nyasha dzaMwari because kombi yaikwira 3 or 4 times during the day. Ama2k marangarirwa because you were not yet old enough to understand how things worked then. VaMushayavanhu vakunzwiraiwo tsitsi vakati muite nhoroondo dzakafanana nemadzibaba enyu, kkkk. Word of advice to Zimbos, chengetai mabond muchaita mari nawo 10-20 years down the line. Ko hamusiknzwa vakomana vezvibhosvo vachideedzera kuti tinotenga mari dzakura mamilion mabilion nematrillion kkkk.
The level of mistrust Zimbabweans have when it comes to these monetary policies and any changes is beyond redemption, and the sad part is it affects the struggling majority. Kungomuka wakanzi mari iya yawaiva nayo in local currency haisisiri chinhu, because it is the black market that dictates how people transact. Chero mukati kombai tirove vari kuramba mabond acho it does not help because vanenge vabatwa vacho are just a few drops in an ocean. Unenge ungoriwo nemidzimu inorara pabasa wobva waitwa example by a system that is fighting a battle bigger than themselves. The confusion and misinformation yakazara in the streets about the new currency is just too much, and some of the things that I hear vanhu vachiudzana muChitima umu are mind-blowing to say the least. I heard vamwe vachiti hanzi the new currency inenge ine svigold kuseri kwayo, that is why it is called ‘gold-backed’so ichapera kubvarurwa nevanhu. Others were saying if you have it you can walk into any bank at any time and exchange it for gold, and many other ridiculous things. It is not only hama dzangu vekungwavha ngwavha who have that kind of information, Americans and other people spent days celebrating Zimbabwe for pulling off such a big move by launching a ‘gold currency’. Some even sympathized with us hanzi let’s hope Zimbabwe will not be bombed by superpowers for that gold, and vamwe even likened our situation to that of Libya. Pakadaro I think there was celebration in Zanu because ndokuti propaganda dzashandazve, kusvika world yese yakubeliever nonsense. Words of goodwill were flying left right and centre, tichibaika nekukorokotedzwa kuchingova hako kupemberera shavi vachiti mudzimu. Haa Zimbabwe ifirimu risingadi script, and in that film everyone is a main character. Kuvhara diki tichivhura hombe day in day out. It is all seen in the way the majority has normalized the abnormal; you go to sleep expecting things to go any direction in the morning, kutongomuka chakachaya, no time to catch your breath. Even ukada kuita masavings muZimbabwe unotangira papi in a country where a piggy bank is the safest way to keep your money, with how risky it is? In a country where the population is largely into kungwavha ngwavha? Dr John, makangouya nekurikavira mudondo henyu bhora, causing chaos mumastreets umu. Who does not know kuti the public dictates how the economy operates, in a system such as ours? Munoziva henyu, information chaiyo is power, and can help avert so many catastrophic situations. If only people had been given enough of it regarding the new currency, zvinewo strategy kwayo, we would not be in this mess. Zvokwadi huyai kuno kuChitima, banana rimwe rava kutoda $5 000 bond, that is if arikutengesa wacho aribvuma ziMbuya Nehanda racho. This is not a good precedence for the new currency because riri kutopinda rakagarirwa with these kinds of attitudes, and vakomana in the streets are already devising ways to get the utmost benefit from it. Ehe vakomana venyu ivavo vamunoshandisa kusuka mari yeropa mumastreets, mati ndoreva ani? There are times when I think once people get into power they become so delusional and arrogant to a point where they are blind to the realities of the environment they are operating in. Ndosaka mamwe macouncilor enyu are seen posing pamahump murokesheni claiming to have brought development. The calibre that goes on camera donating plastic covers for mamai anozvitamburira kumusha uko, nanaMusikavanhu vekudonater mabhilo gore riya, kkkkk. This is the delusion I am talking about, the same trait that our dear new RBZ governor Dr John is exhibiting, making all kinds of promises, threatening to crash the black market. With all due respect VaMushayavanhu, you got off on the wrong foot, and the black market that you claim to bring its destruction ndoichakugarisai mudish, because you will be dealing with people who have lost all faith in the formal system, vakazara mweya wekuhodha. These are people who will pay very little attention to what you say or announce, unless patonyatsoitwa a very good strategy to capture their attention. This is when those text messages estate sponsored propaganda that Zanu was sending people towards last year’s elections would have worked for the greater good, educating people on the new currency and giving them the assurance that things are going to get better. You had all the chance to do that, through the use of various channels but it is now too late, makatoirasa. You wasted an opportunity, not zviya zvekuswerotiita like mafuza telling us through text messages that there are some shops on the regime change agenda ndoari kuuraya economy. If only you had applied your brains a little and properly disseminated information, we would not be having this Aram and Dhispondency. Ahh ko nhaimi, Dr Chandaizment vanongoti zii zii kunge vasiko, shuwa Generari Bae leaving us tichiitwa yese yese naJohani Wechipiri havangotinzwiri tsitsi here dzavakambonzwa gore riya when Fadzi Mahere was seen posing with magunners in the streets of Harare? Dr Amai, where are you? Save us Mama!
Anyway, the monster has already been created in all of us and it is difficult to tame, because public mistrust is the worst thing a country can deal with especially when it comes to the economy. The horse has bolted from the stable; in fact, the ship has sailed. Actually, that train has left the station, chitima chemazimari anobvarura homwe kkkkk. In this country tangozara kakususpecta government of not having people’s interests at heart, which is fertile ground for abuse of power and state resources with impunity, ko vanobvunzwa nani zvavo. Chinozongoshata chero vakataura vakagara pamusoro pebere, people would rather trust the ‘streets’ because there is a history. Tangova nekakunyumwa nyumwa, that is why muchizongonzwa kunzi your close relatives vatova kuUK because they are scared of jinxing their plans, kkkk, kwahi munoroya mungazotumira zizi mundege. Muno tinaro zizi redu Zimra, kungoda kuti maspeaker panze vototi gogogoi. I am just hoping nekaconfidence kana Dr John, kanotoita senge arrogance, this ZiG currency actually works, because ndarota zvaenda nekwakaenda bond notes. When Tendai Biti was still a bold man he said it is just like putting lipstick on a pig. Ko I heard kuti he is leaving for the diaspora ka Biti wenyu uyu. Vapedza havo kuponda musangano weYero nanaNero vobva vaenderera mberi with their lives isu povho takangomirira munana. Hope maanzwa Mr Know It All mufundisi Talent Chiwenga saying Opposition yedu fanana fanana neZanu, busy changing names and colours just like Zanu change names of currencies.
Let me go ndinokanga maputi angu for lunch zvangu, mazuvano chando kani paChitima apa. Ko makudzimisana Starlink futi with your Potraz uko? Ndakambozvireva ini kuti that regulatory body kune madimwits. What we don’t know hedu is if it is Mavetera’s instruction, but even if it is, just know that satellite is the future, manzwa here vana musorobhangu? Zvekuita senge North Korea zviya zvinoda muine maresources nhaika, plus propaganda dzacho muchidzigona chaiko chaiko. I had almost forgotten, I saw Mutsvangwa akadonhedza uso with his boss, ahh sorry, former boss ED, kutozodzikama ungati munhu kwaye. Musangano weZanu haukwani muhomwe memunhu Kiritsopfawee, munotonhodzwa quick and fast. Ask Jonono and crew, including VaMphoko my dear friend. I hope he is well wherever he is. Mboko imboko!