Things have fallen apart!

Things have fallen apart! Mapombi is not as learned as our Cdes in Zanu PF and government but izvi hazvichada kudzidza izvi – even a dull person can tell kuti nyika yava mamvemve iyi. Mapombi is ever grateful to Zanu PF for one thing – makaita basa makaita kuti ndizivewo nhamo ndaizozivirepi? Urovha, kudya rotten bananas nekurara mumaplastic ndaizozvizivirepiwo ini Mapombi ndakanga ndaendesewawo kuchikoro nevabereki vangu. i could be somewhere else, maybe in one of the offices up there but Zanu PF chiwororo. Kkkkk ndeyeropa zveshuwa! I am really grateful because now I know the other side of life which is punctuated by hunger, unemployment and general poverty. Haaa maoko kuZanu PF and its government haaa muri shasha dzekuuraya economy.

You have failed the nation; Mapombi is very sure this is not what Cdes Herbert Chitepo, Josiah Tongogara and others fought for. Things have just fallen apart and nyika yangova madhende iyi. Being educated or not, it’s now one and the same thing. Chinua Achebe’s novel ‘Things fall apart’ sums up our situation – zvinhu zvava manyama amire nerongo. The economy is biting and they have run out of ideas to an extent that they are thinking of introducing Bond papers – aah are they Bond Papers or Notes? Whatever! Kkkkkkk Dr Mangundya makaitira kupiko PhD yenyu?  UZ? Kkkkkk ask your predecessor Dr Gideon Gono he will tell you more about Zanu PF. Kkkkkk I promise to pay the bear cheque on demand kekekeke seka zvako mwana wekwaChirimudombo. Very soon, this October, we will promise to pay the Bond Note on demand, if there will be anyone to demand it anyway.

Mapombi was however touched by the latest news that government has no money to pay civil servants salaries this month – hanzi ruzhinji rwava kutozowana mari next month except for those vanoshanda kubasa kune pfuti chete hanzi ndivo vachapiwa this week nekuti vanotyisa hurumende. Kkkkkk zvakaoma! Ugoona I almost joined kuarmy uko but my parents discouraged me saying ungapinda basa nekumhanya here enda undoitawo degree. I’m sure my parents regret the decision because now Im stuck here at Dr Grace Trading Centre surviving on rotten bananas. I sleep at the open and cover myself with plastics. But one thing that at least make me smile and feel comfortable with my situation is that the majority of vendors have degrees. Akomana kuita Masters degree in Business Adminstration yekuzotengesa airtime paPick and Pay apo? Honours Degree in Accounting kuzotengesa mabanana paOK Supermarket? Kkkkk but Zanu PF ka! After that you brag that we have the highest literacy rate in Africa and, as if that is not enough, you brag that you have created over two million jobs. 

The problem is that we do not have a strong opposition party in this country – Morgan Tsvangirai has become legend of the parks and is allergic to sleeping alone – hanzi Save ihove ikagara pasina mvura inofa. Vakarara pasina mukadzi padhuze vanoita hope dzemadzikirira. Kkkkkk ungachidii chematama? Hapana. But I still remembered Tsvangirai’s speech he delivered at Mucheke Stadium in 2003 when he was still serious about taking Mugabe head-on. ‘Hanzi muri kutaura nyaya yekushaya chikafu? Muchashayisisa chaizvo kusvika maziva pekuvhotera.’ Kkkkkkk chaimbotaura wena Teaboy. 

But at least we enjoyed during the inclusive government and we thank Tsvangirai for that. Had it not been you and the MDC zvingadaro takapera kufa kare. Mapombi however, has pinned a lot of hope on Dr Joice Mujuru of the Zimbabwe People First come 2018. Hameno pamwe kungofarira n’anga neinondobata mai! Anyway, Mapombi is considering being a registered voter, and come 2018, I will cast my vote. Who I will vote for only God knows but certainly I will not have the courage and guts to put my X on a centurion. Never!

Mapombi is not as heartless as those Cdes who continue to push President Robert Mugabe to remain in office. Kkkkkk zvimwe muchiti munotamba chokwadi. Or is it him who is refusing to vacate office? I am sure War Vets know better on that one. The problem with dictators is that they think they are the best leaders ever and no one can do much better than them. Anyway I don’t know much about dictators because the only dictator I knew the whole of my life was Mamar Gadaffi the late Lybian President – may his soul rest in eternal peace! E-eh e-eh vafunga zvavafunga musade kuhwanda naMapombi pliz pliz. I have made it clear that the only dictator I knew was Gadaffi. Period! Izvo zvamava kutaura izvo ini handipo.

But, of late, Mapombi is forming an alliance with the war vets these days. Kkkkkk I salute the war vets – in fact Mapombi is working on a national pledge inenge ichingorumbidza nekutenda maWar vets edu. of course the pledge will be totally different from yaDofora iye – aah I mean Dr Dokora mhani. Cde Victor Matemadanda, Chris Mutsvangwa, Black Jesus and vaMahiya zviri sei? Kkkkk tinayewo wedu Jesu mutema mungatidii?

Honestly, I respect these Cdes – they died for this country. They are gentlemen havavanzi. They want Ngwena and they are too blunt. Even Mugabe tried to silence them but in vain. Mungamadii maWar vets – hapana ende hapana! They have spoken and who am I to say no to Ngwena? Generally Mapombi has very little, if there is any to appreciate from Zanu PF, but pana Ngwena tinowirirana maCdes! 

Mapombi is equally educated as our Cdes in Zanu PF and government – e-eh tinawovo maPhD aya (UZ). Kutyei!  But the truth is hapana zvinozivikanwa nevarume nevakadzi ava – Mapombi is a gentleman handivanzi. Mapombi has since resolved that she will only respect maWar Vets. Kkkkkk if you are not War Vet please forget! I mean kanganwai zvenyu – chero mukawana ndichidya my rotten bananas handikupei. Even if you march against me I don’t care! 

Aah it’s almost lunch time ndichingohumana zvangu let me go ndinokanga maputi angu for lunch. But just a quick one – how can I get to Ngwena maCdes? I have a word or two of advice pane zvandakarotswa kkkkkk kurota achibvutirwa chigaro neMuzezuru kkkkkk kuda ihope dzechando nekuti sandinyore kurara mumaplastic vakomana. Thank you Zanu PF dai musipo nhamo yakadai taizoionerawo kupi. Haa muri shasha ndibatei ruoko. By the way, did Mpokho vacate the hotel room? Mapombi heard vakaramba kugara dzimwe dzimba vachiti dzakashata kkkkkkkk baba vangu iwe chirungu hachide kubatira pamusoro ichi. Maimbogara yakadiiko musati manzwirwawo tsitsi naPresident? Tiitirei mushe apa mukupedza mari dzema civil servants apa nezvinoitiwa hapana. Nxaaa! Mboko imboko!Mapombi