Soon we will all be millionaires

Time flies ladies and gentlemen, this time around last year people were busy asking about zvigunwe kkk hanzi people are making money nekutengesa zvigumwe, but nyaya yacho yakazongopera and I am yet to see mbinga with some missing toes kkkk. But maZimbo so, regai titambure coz zvimwe zvinhu zvatinoita serious nazvoka. Takamboudzwa kuti chihuta will transform the economy, jatropha rikauyawo, imi woye, zvakaoma.It was just one of the many social media frenzy that is a result of poverty. Right now everyone is busy with Mai Titi. That lady is fond of controversy and is busy tarnishing our images as women. Haa but I think now she will take her motivational skits to Chikurubi. However, while everyone was captivated by Mai Titi, our own parliament was busy upholding ZECs US$20 000 presidential nomination fee kkkk. Thats what they are good at, they throw around controversial issues and Zimbos nekuda zvinhu will be busy netunyaya tusina basa while they do what they want. This is what they are going to do come election time, munenge muri busy nezvisina basa while they are busy rigging the election. Come on Zimbabweans, wake up and smell the coffee. We should be fighting Sikhala’s release not vana Mai Titi, mukasadaro hatina kwatoenda, infact, kwatiri kuenda hapana. We are going back where we came from.
Ama2000 are lucky, our president Cde Trabablas Dzokerai Mabhunu has decided not to be outdone by the late uncle bob and is taking this country back a bit, vasina kuona 2008 here is your chance. Soon and very soon, Ndobva Ndafunga zvangu Brenda Fassie, soon and very soon we will all be billionaires ndikuudzei, everyone will become a millionaire if not billionaires. Zviya zvekuti anaMasiiwa are the only billionaires is going to be a thing of the past. Soon Zim will cease to be called a land locked country, kuVID it will not be called a cattle country, everywhere, and it will be a country of billionaires kkkk. Zvekuzoti uri billionaire in which currency reratovawo drama. But honestly speaking, what I love about this government which is far much better than the ones in heaven according to trabablas is that inotienzanisa kkkk. Whether uri ku Chamisa Chete Chete, Zanu, KwaTogarasei, Mangoma, Egypt Dzinemunhenzva or kwaTyson, we are all being affected nerate. hazvinei kuti uri KuFAZ or Heritage, it doesn’t matter kana uri kuRiot Police which is sent to deprive us from demonstrating or kuArmy, tese tiri kungochema neRtgs.
You know what I think now? I think its the time to cut at least 2 zeroes? I know it won’t solve the problem but I think zviri nani pakuti tibate matrillion. Nhai Panonetsa naMtuvi, you can go and get a few notes from Gono, he is still alive inga wani, he is just thin like Mai Mujuru and Biti kkkk. But Mukati Mai Mujuru naBiti naGono havana ukama imi? I think Tinashe Mugabe should look into this. But all I am saying Mazero avakuda kuwandisa, let’s do the Gono’s famous from Zero to Hero, thank me later then this year becomes the real gore rezvidzidzo. Riya ramaiti rezvidzidzo I don’t think it matches 2023, remember we are reviewing Cala kkkk.
Makorokoto Masvingo Makarangarirwa nemukuru last week, at least you got a chance to see Trabablas achiri President, by end of August he will be former president kkkk. Handisini ndadaro, I am neither a prophet nor a seer, ndingori gentlemen handivanze chete. Zvekuti he will no longer be president zvakataurwa, this is the year which Zanu PF will be defeated, ndiChamisa akadaro. I know you want to say he said the same in 2018 but lost. I am sure this time he has upped his game. I heard despite taking us back like Zanu PF, CCC is confident that they will win this election, vasina mastructures kudaro end of August Trabablas won’t be in office. Yeah CCC took people back and did primary elections which they were avoiding in most areas kkk, the most amusing thing is that vakaita Bereka mwana kkkk. Haa vakomanaka, but at least you allowed candidates to bus people from Mashava, Vamwe kwaMushandike, vamwe Kuzaka Chaiko kkkk. Ko ndovadiiwo when the process is flawed, what is important is to win, zvimwe zvese is just drama. Few days before nomination court, we are yet to know CCC candidates, mukati variko imi? What game is the young man playing? I heard he is planning to dump Biti, Welsh and others he used to snatch the presidency from Madam Thoko. Ivo varipiko? She is quiet maybe she is strategizing how to defeat Mthuli, that is if she is spared nemukomana.
Back to the presidential visit, I was amused to learn that there are Masvikiro for ED, if I had known I would have sneaked and joined them, handiti the first stage yekuva svikiro is to be shabbily dressed just like me, wongoitawo tsvina like me, maybe ndaizoshaya dresscode hangu coz I heard they were wearing black. I later learnt that they offended the guys from Matabeleland hameno how. I also heard the local leadership is doing a great job in making ED unpopular pavakanyima vanhu upfu. The president as a good will on his last visit as a president to Masvingo was to give his loyal supporters 10kgs of mealie meal but Masvingo being Masvingo, they managed to divert it just like what Chikoforo used to do naBaba vaHungwe. I will be asking hangu next week kuti hwakazoenda nepi upfu uhwu kkkk.
Ko Zvana zvekwa Uncle Bob are still making headlines, hazvinzwi, I hope this time around the court will give them a custodial sentence just like Mai Titi, we are sick and tired of hearing cases of these spoilt brats. Still on the Bob issue, I hear Simba Chikore is likely to lose the contest in which he was going to be the second man to represent the gender on the contest which was once won by Hakim kkkk. Imi varume musada kutijairira, Hakim iyeye akakwana, kuda kujaira kutiitisa isu vakadzi. But on the Bona issue hangu I wanted them to share, mmm mapurazi akawandisa aya, even if they would spare one and give it to Mapombi they would still be pakanaka.
Before I go zvangu kunokanga maputi angu for lunch, let me give good news to aspiring candidates, my bosses in town have since launched a column for you where you can share your manifesto. Any candidate is free to do, so please don’t hesitate to get in touch. Imi veCCC neZanu zvamurimi mugotangirwa neMDC.
Anyone ever heard from Mphoko? Is he joining Tyson Wabantu movement? He may be given the vice presidency since the party has no people just like MDC naMwonzora. If anyone sees him please tell him to bring incubators, chando chakauya. He should finish what he started. If anyone has Kasukuwere’s line up please bring it ndionewo. But Mphoko should be VP alongside Dr Amai. Mboko Imboko.