Two thirds majority by hook or crook

Ladies and gentlemen, Mapombi has been pondering hard lately, trying to figure out kuti senyika tirikuirasira papi chaipo. I have been observing silently zvangu and seeing that we are all in a state of continuous anxiety because hurumende yedu always has some way of degrading us to a lower level, and it is a bottomless pit. Many of us have even lost any sense of being, kana muchiti ndinonyepa walk through an alley in any urban area uone ukabudamo uchigona kufema. We have downgraded to being vandalists everywhere, kuzvibatsira pese pese, kucheka masecurity fence, kuuraya public infrastructure, kurasira marara pese pese, and deny it all you want, we have become a broken nation. Pfuurai nekuno kuChitima and smell what I smell everyday. I’m sure if Mucheke river had a voice, none of us will be sleeping as it will be groaning and wailing from being choked netsvina nemi, iyemi vanhu! The city sometimes looks and smells like a big dumping site chairo. We used to have public recreational facilities, maswimming pool, even council bars but yangova mbiri yekare makapedza through kwachu kwachu kuvandaliser zvenyu. Trust me, you will find human waste somewhere close to these places because papiko paungashaya tsvina yevanhu muroad munyika munomu? Everywhere you go, kana uine sense like me you will choke, not only from the smell of garbage and smoke yemarara arikutsva, but also from the nostalgia that will hit you like a tonne of bricks, wozonzwa hako vamwe voti kare kwaiva nani. Sometimes hasha dzinombondibata when I think of the entitlement some of you have; who do you think is going to come and fix even the simplest of things zvamunongogo na kugadzirisa mega? Makamirira Zanu kuti ikuitirei? Zanu chaiyo chaiyo yatinoziva tese? Bato riri kutonga told you clearly that nyika inovakwa nevene vayo and vene vayo ndimika nhai. Who else do you think is going to come and rescue you? Chokwadi mukawana nguva you should really think deep.
Ikozvino cholera is ravaging the country, and we are back again in international headlines for the wrong reasons. Hapana chakanaka chinobva Nazareta zvokwadi. That narrative of Zimbabwe and cholera is going to be a hard one to correct, plus we always have the same hotspots, meaning that this is more of an administrative issue than anything else. We all know kukatongonzi manyoka Chegutu, Chiredzi neHarare hazvisari. And the truth is cholera kumbaidya tsvina yomunhu mbishi sekutaura kwevanamazvikokota veutano. Our water situation is pathetic, ukuwo kanzuru yedu yeMasvingo its now years tichingonzi water augmentation programme bva tichasvika pakufa pasina chabuda. Truly kuita mvura inoita zvekushanya tivete and it goes again tivete.
While many of us are still reeling from the pain of August events and bracing ourselves to take on the next five years ago, that Tshabangu fella was busy plotting hake kudzosera two thirds majority kuvene. The structureless structure has been shaken, like it or not and ‘wapusa wapusa’ strategy iya inogona kuzvimbira vatenzi. Anyway, I wish Chamisa had an ounce of Nevers Mumba’s courage, aifanirwa kurova chidhoma kusvika mai vacho vabuda pachena, like we saw Zanu doing after Mumba called out ZEC. I can bet you, this Tshabangu guy is working in cahoots with vamwe varikudya musame plate with Nero wacho, who have been bitten by the same bug that bit Dhagi gore riya. I heard mafun’afun’a here at Chitima kuti Mwananchi might be the one behind these shenanigans, and I hope it is not true. Such traitorous tendencies taiti akapera nguva yaTsvangirai ka isu. Chete politics is a dirty game, you can never trust anyone, that is why Chamisa doesn’t eat pese pese or kungonwa mvura pese pese. There are too many Iscariots out there. These things hazvina achaziva, because lately we have been seeing Welshman achingoita madimikira on social media, which has been interpreted by many to be some disgruntlement against Nero. Varume muri makwara evanhu imimi. Yes, you are cowards if it is true that you are plotting against Nero. Why not directly express your disgruntlements than placing a tortoise, Tshabangu, on the fence? Munosvodesa mhani imi. It shows that you are a bunch of sore losers who take voters for granted. Toswerera kuita maby-elections muzinyika rine economy yakavora irori instead of focusing on rebuilding, tongogara tiri mumutsetse wekuvhota here nhandi? Tinyareiwo please. Oh, and yes, kuParamende uko, do you see how much rotten to the core you are nhai vamutauriri vedare? I’m told you chose to ignore Chamisa’s letter, which came way earlier than Tshabangu’s, the one recalling CCC MPs and chose to declare 15 seats as vacant, mune chokwadi here shuwa asi? On top of that you went ahead and suspended MPs who were aggrieved by that from Parliament. To you, we should forever remain in election mode all year round. You want to continuously expose the electorate to violence associated with these elections, all in the name of wanting two thirds majority. The amount of apathy this establishment has created through such repressive actions ichashupa kucorrecta, hezvino ndiri pano. Kurevesa kudai denga muchaita rekugoogler, bhinyai zvenyu nyika muchidaro. Nebuchadnezer wakazofura bundo rimwe gore. Shuwa kuvhurisa Mapombi bhaibheri, haa varume mune utsinye imi. Why do you always want to armtwist the will of the people and thwart voices of dissent? History is going to judge you and I pray it judges you so harshly that your offspring regret being part of your bloodline, kutokurambai chaiko.
Anyway, enough of the venting out, because zveZimbabwe ndikazviteedzera ndingatopenga chaiko. Chaora chinhu ichi. Even machongwe every morning ave kurira achiti “Mukai titsamwire hurumendeee!” kkkkk. Don’t ask me how I know this, ndomukirana nevarimi vachisvika paChitima kaini kuzohodhesa mabanana kuti ndiwanewo arinani asina kunyanyoora. Zvakangonakira kedu Masomere who now cruises in a GD6 imi vamwe muchingovukura, kkkk. Yes, for him zvakatobhadhara and soon, his family will not be relating to peasant problems. Mogona kunzwa akutoshanda naanaNiki Tomorrow newedu Jamwanda wemuromo pazhe uyu, but I’m not sure zvikawirirana because vese ndevekuwandisa, dzungu, papaz too much. Neukuwo Sabhuku VZ and crew varikunwa tea nenyama after Chivhayo blessed them. When we were growing up, we were told kuzhangandira nemushaba zvakashata, look now, vamwe vakudya nazvo isu takangoti vavava. When ED campaigns again in 2028, Mapombi achangozviswededzawo so that she eats panodya vamwe. Ndosvikepi nemabanana akaora ndichirara mushanga dzemaMucheke? I also want kutsamwisa Chivhayo so that he blesses me neone brick remayuwesi zvaro and I will be sorted for life. Chegore iroro vanondiona, ndinotenga chingoro chose chemabanana ari fresh ndoripwa kugara senge Baba Tensen. If you see Baba Tensen tell him kuti vashingirire zvinoita. Bootlicking is now a career in Zimbabwe, and I wish our universities could add it to their curriculum; it is a vitally necessary skill to possess in Zimbabwe, and ritori hustle hombe iroro.
Ko mhere yondonzwa kwaGutu kwaMaungwa uko hanzi kudiiko? Mapombi won’t say much about the situation but only to remind everyone that what binds us is humanity and may we never forget that to an extend where we celebrate one’s death. Ndinoti zvekare pasi nemhirizhonga dzezvematongerwo enyika kana dzimwe dzipi zvadzo. I also condemn sexual harassment mumabasa umo with utmost disgust. Chati homu chareva.
Where is the Mphoko guy ladies and gentlemen? I hope wherever he is zvirikufaya ikoko. Regai ndindokanga maputi angu for lunch kusati konyanyopisa. Remember to drink water and mind your business. Zanu chiororo hamuigone iyi. Mboko imboko!