Forgive me dear readers I know most of you are furious kuti you did not see your favorite weekly read last week, chando change chakandirova pedu pachitima apa, Mucheke neSewage river ndakarohwa nechando zvekuti I couldn’t get the energy to get a pen and a paper to write something to my avid readers. I nearly got a frost bite and the two minutes I got a paper and pen, chando chakabva chawedzera zvekuti I ended up ndavesa zvese pen ne paper racho kuti ndidzirwe.
What an interesting week it was, and this week yacho yakanyanya, this is the week where our dear First Lady opened the first female open prison kkkkkk, haa chinyika chinoka, dai chiri changu ndakavhara, how can we celebrate the official opening of a detention centre, kuti ndeyevakadzi?, does that really need the whole first lady? Dai vakatotuma zvavo the recently promoted cool guy from ZPCS, yes, our very own Social Ndanga, he could have done a better job kwete zvaa Okisiraya who is so fond of the camera so that we can see her paDead BC. Who is still watching that nonsense in this era and age? In other countries people are celebrating the opening of factories, schools, and bridges while we are busy celebrating a jail. At the open prison I heard the female inmates will cooking in a kitchen yavakavakisirwa naAmai. I heard Nick Mangwana saying there will be free wifi and television for the inmates. The government should just address bread and barter issues and see kuti the crime rate will decrease. Kuvaka majeri sandiko kupedza mhosva manzwa here ana musoro bhangu.
Kana pane anenge aonawo Abhero ati hanzi naMapombi mhoro kkkk. Haa iye Abero anetsa kkkk, kuita the talk of the country chaiko. Kkkk but varume sure take the advice seriously, musangosiya mbeu pese pese. Even Doctor Stop IT once warned people against spraying seeds everywhere. Ehe kakadaro kedu Gire, kkk kaiva nenharo kamukadzi kaya, Hanz vana manyengavana be warned kkkk. Mwari vanhu venyu vatanga kungosiya mbeu yamakavapa pesepese kkkk. I heard Abhero was reassigned to the party offices kkk, hanzi he will be running the party affairs full time kkk, Zanu chiororo kana musingaizive, But ED airevesa, hanz Zanu PF haisi yemunhu iyi, ihomwe inkwana tose, kana ukaiisa muhomwe inokupisa, igokupisa, wozoibudisa. Kana muchifunga ndri kunypa ask Cde Abhero Mohadi kkk, I mean Kembo.
I heard the taxi driver has been sent kuMoza to replace cde Nyikayaramba, haa reshuffle yacho yakanyanya amana. Three macommissar since the so called bloodless coup, that seat is hot handiti? First it was the now Acting Chief Charamba Engelbet Rugeje who was replaced by Mr Ibu after he failed the 2018 primary election test. Now I hear Mr Bin is now the acting PC and Mr Ibu has been reassigned to Moza. Dai Chikanodashurwa ikoko nezvima Islamic terror group. Ko handiti aidriver tax vamwe vachirwa hondo, now it’s your turn Mr Ibu.
But someone should school me here, I don’t know if I am confused or its Zanu Pf that is confused, I really don’t know who is the confuser or the confusee. How on earth can you give Mr Bin such an important role in the party? Hee, what nonsense is that, ,Mr Ibu was far much better than this, kana mashaya Ma PC madii kumbopawo mukadzi, yes think I can be a better PC than Chinamasasa. I am a fast leaner zvekuti one week ndichidzidza gwara remusangano ndinenge ndatopedza. I know some of you are beginning to think that Mapombi is Zanu PF, no, I hate it to the core but chete hatina alternative saka if you can’t beat them join them ask John Cena Matutu. If I am given a chance to be the first female commissar I would join Zanu PF ndimbodyavo ko ndini ndadii. Pamberi nemadzimai, Pamberi nambuya Nehanda, pamberi naMapombi, Mapombi for commissariat. It’s better to celebrate the first female Zanu Commissar than celebrating the first Female open prison in SADC.
Ko nyaya yekuvhukunura bob yava papi, I heard zvakataurwa naGire paya zviri kuitika, hanzi bob chero akafa achatonga ari kumakuva, nanhasi chiri kuvashungurudza chirimo muguva kkkk. Kushungurudzwa nekaharahwa kakafa zvako pakusvika kunoichema kuna mbuya nehanda. Eh, didn’t you see kuti ED is now desperate, kkk chiri kurema chinhu ichi. Ko Malava achiri kuuya kubasa achiri kuenda kubasa here, I heard pane zvichiri kuitika up there. Let’s be serious
Anyway, I was frustrated this past week zvekuti I wanted to go kuna Minister of State, ehe kwaChadzamira chaiko ndaida kusvika. Ndakazoregera zvangu ndaona kuti I will be incarcerated and be the first one to get free wifi in the open prison. How on earth can people with five senses who eat sadza let 500 bags of cement mearnt for clinic drying up. MP kutoti handizvizivi, I think heads must roll in Zaka, all those involved in the matter yekuoma kwecement should face the music. Apa I heard we running out of stocks of cement in Zimbabwe. Cement kutopera zvayo munyika but I heard that PPC is saying they have enough stocks so hameno.
Though the female Zaka DDC is accused of dating chiefs, I think she should act apa, if she fail it’s better to give mapombi the role aite basa she has to address another issue at ZAKA RDC apo where the CEO Majaura, Admin Chatikobo, Council Chair Mapuranga among others are being accused of corruption. I am told that even that free tick grease that was given by the government was given to people without cattle. Sure kupiwa tick grease kuti kana ndazoroorerwa ndoisa pamombe. A lot of people with cattle did not get it and mombe dziri kufa.
Before I pen off let me welcome our two brothers Madzokere and Maengahama who have been released from the jaws of our prison services. I am sure you will find out that a lot has changed since you were detained, a lot of changes zvekuti handingaapedzi. What I just want you to know is that the new dispensation is more ruthless than the old one. But is it stil a new dispensation, inenge yatova old we now need another one. Let me go zvangu ndinokanga maputi angu kuchakachena, these days handisi kurara ndichidziya moto, I heard someone was burnt to death in town nawo moto wechando uyu. Mboko imboko.