Mapombi mourns Mphoko

Ladies and gentlemen the festive season is upon us, the December winds are already upon us, let’s drink responsibly and please stay off the road if you are drunk. We have better things to die of not dying in car crashes caused by human error. It’s better to die of hunger or Mthuli’s tax anozongoonana naMwari kudenga than cutting our lives short by drinking and driving. I hope the Traffic Safety Council will bring me an award, chero rotten bananas and tomatoes kuno kuChitima ndinotambira hangu because I have just put out the message they want out there. I also urge you to make sure that you share whatever little you have when you go for holidays. We should also spare a thought for our elderly kunana Mucheke Old People’s Home and orphans kunanaAlfa Cottages, kuChambuta I think kuri covered zvako. Civil servants we know mari ishoma so please spend wisely, remember schools are opening in January. Chete zvakafanana because all sane people are struggling and the ones without hearts are enjoying. Vari kudya pachavo havo while we are struggling to get a single decent meal per day, ko tingadii, ours is a Private Limited company and we are all lodgers in this teapot country that’s why vene vari kudya havo.
I heard Justice Mayor Wadyajena is on the list of those who want to be ZACC commissioners kkkk, what a joke, it’s like Chidumo and Masendeke applying to be police officers or magistrates, it can’t and it just can’t. The problem is with the ones who shortlisted him, otherwise he should just be with fellow colleagues Mike Chimombe and Mpofu and we all know why he is out. They are vying to get to the most useless commission which blows millions of money without a single conviction and they are allocated another grant in the 2025 budget, what for? Wadyajena is very corrupt and if given a chance he will loot ZACC yacho and take it to Gokwe. Chete the system is the most corrupt entity and they want people like him, he is now mature and has table manners that’s why he has been quiet for some time hake. But iyo ZACC yacho is just a joke zvayo, two women were arrested in Zaka for several allegations but ZACC yacho is failing to provide evidence on the alleged crime. How many times should we tell ZACC to investigate to arrest not arrest to investigate? The way I know Zanu PF, it’s not surprising to see him getting the post, Zanu PF hairase vana vayo, that’s how they operate, ukabhaiza you will be told to keep quiet a bit and return kana waakukwanisa kudya wakanyarara. Who thought Chivayo would resume gifting cars to people when he was banned at State House? That was just a disguise kuvhara isu kunge we care, they ended up having meeting at Ba 2’s private residence. Nhamo, we don’t even care chero mukadii, time shall come, hakuna asingafi.
Anyway, this week I don’t have much to say, I just want to mourn my friend Mphoko in peace. May his soul rest in eternal peace. I wish I could pray to God that he gives him 2 more years. I am sure my friend is serving as a reminder to all those in Zanu PF that we all die, rufu doesn’t know that you once stayed at Meikles Hotel for months on tax payers’ money. Kunonzi zvako wafa wanaka but to be honest, Mphoko was one of the few Zanu PF stalwarts who had table manners, he knew how to eat quietly and the only time he spoke was when he was reprimanding our own Prof Zvobgo saying there was no first or second vice president kkkk. He said he was equal to Ba 2 kkkk. He also opened his mouth when he reprimanded Ba 2 following the poison issue. The world will surely miss Mphoko’s groundbreaking contributions to the field of doing absolutely nothing productive during his time in the presidium. Rest in peace to a life that was truly lived to the fullest, life of doing absolutely nothing. That is why I loved him, he had no time for drinking aphrodisiacs like his successor Campbell Dugish. Go well our hero!! Your loyalty to Gushungo is so remarkable, you decided to follow his footsteps and refuse national hero burial. Hope it was his decision kuramba kuenda paChikomo or else it’s just the family speaking on his behalf. I am just sad that Mphoko passed on before I convinced him kunogara zvake nhaka to the First Widow Dr Gire. Look guys, if he had agreed I don’t think we could be seeing sex tapes of the former First Son. Those youngsters are getting wayward because there is no father figure at home. Hameno, maybe since 2028 is around the corner and Ba 2 will soon leave office, I guess he will take in the family, remember he is the one who used kuenda nezvitsamba kuna Dr Amai when he was still uncle Bob’s errand boy.
I would be charged if I do not talk of the Zifa pending elections. I just want to urge the councilors to vote wisely for the betterment of our football. They should avoid a repeat of when they voted Felton Kamambo and everyone ended up saying Captain Fiasco was better. What I just know whoever will get the post should be ready for the task, we do not want chancers, I know some of you like Papa but manje if he wins who will take our sins to Israel? Themba has what it takes but I am just afraid about Susan Mutami’s warning, hanzi more kids will come from there.
Before I go zvangu kunokanga maputi angu for lunch, I want to know if anyone has a clear idea of what is happening kumusangano unoyera, uchatoonga, ugotoongaa, uchingotoongaa, vanovukura, vachingovukura? Kkkk zvakazoenda nepiko I nolonger hear that slogan, people are busy trying to topple each other, the latest being Paradza and Bootlicker-in-chief Tinoda Machakaire, if he is still one. Vari kunzwanana masimba, they are testing to see who is closer to Mdara than the other. Hanzi dzuvura ndimbonanzvavo shangu dzaBaba. Regerai vakomana munoremara. I don’t know hangu if Machakaire is relying on all this but I know the young man is relying from the latest appointed Minister, you all know him, ndiye waari kutemba naye so let’s just watch the space and brace for a memorable ride as the factional or fictional fights in Zanu gather momentum. Forgive me my readers, out of respect of the dead, today I am not going to say mboko imboko!!