Voice Rossana Mutema
Men don’t seek help for mental health related issues, a development that has seen a number of cases of mental health problems being more prevalent in men as compared to their female counterparts. Many believe that men usually do not seek help as they are believed to be strong and are afraid to be seen as less masculine.
Societies which are mainly patriarchal teach boys to be strong and “be as man” even when going through an emotional overload. This has a bearing on how they handle any form of pressure as they would want to appear strong when they have to look for help.
Men also don’t want to be a burden to others and this result in them not sharing their problems. They do not want to share their feelings with family members or friends and this cause social isolation, exacerbates relationship difficulties and worsen feelings of depression and in worst scenarios, they commit suicide. Researches have shown that men commit suicide more than women while the number of attempted suicide cases are more in women than men.
Mental health affect all genders, but it is often overlooked in men and research on men’s mental health is given less priority. Men tend not to get attention because they usually don’t want to open up if something is troubling them be it depression, social anxiety and mental disorders.
Toxic illusion of masculine self and self-reliance lead to high levels of stress and poor mental health. This makes them find it difficult to be honest with loved ones and more importantly themselves. Societies judge men who talk about their mental health problems as weak and are often not taken seriously. Because of this, a number of men may find it difficult to speak about mental health and are reluctant to seek treatment to manage symptoms.
Despite the fact that men do not share their mental health struggles people around them are at the receiving end. Men with mental health problems are more likely to take alcohol and drugs to cope with their depression rather than talking about it. Some become more insensitive, get irritated fast, increased loss of control, risk-taking and aggression. To them ‘everyone around is the problem’. Some use the escapist behaviors, since they are oriented that a man should control his feelings and real men don’t ask for help they deal with it.
A lot needs to be done for boys and men who need to be taught to talk, share their problems and allow others to help them. They need to be taught that they too have feelings they must cry and be emotional, ignoring how they feel does not make the situation better. They need to be taught that being emotional is normal, everyone feels it and sharing is not a sign of weakness. Men should know that sharing and seeking for help is actually a sign of strength. Other issues of mental health just need us to open up and seek the necessary help needed.
Society is another port of call to address mental health problems. It needs to be made aware of how important mental health is a cancerous problem that knows no gender or social class. Society also needs to be made aware that the mentality that the word ‘man’’ implies strength, power and assertiveness is wrong. It implies that men are not supposed to have mental health problems. For years, men have been told that it is not appropriate to talk about their feelings.
They have had limits placed on what is okay and what is not, to talk about. A lot of suicides committed by men are a result of these stigmas that surround their mental health. It shows how many men suffer in silence and ends it with these self-inflicted deaths.
The vastness of responsibilities on men’s shoulders and what’s expected is too much and yet no one cares how they feel or check if they are. Things happen in life like difficulties with work or finances, breakdown of relationships, overwhelming family responsibilities or a significant setback. These challenges can take a serious toll on one’s mental health. The only option will be to talk it out. You will even notice more signs of poor mental health like hopeless or worthless and behaviors that usually destroy relationships, drinking more than usual and also isolating from family and friends.
However, establishing and maintaining relationships, talking about the hard stuff in life and taking action when times are tough and proven ways for men to stay mentally healthy and cope with the stress of everyday life. Good overall health and wellbeing is linked to not only better mental health but also reduce the likelihood of suicides. If people around all men are there for them when it gets overwhelming, they can share and seek the needed help with support of friends and family.
If you know someone who is emotionally distressed or in crisis, the first step is to talk to him. Begin a conversation with a friend, family member or a health professional. Talking, listening and being there for someone going through tough times can be lifesaving. Always check in if you know someone who is going through a difficult time. Ask if they are doing okay and be prepared to listen. It is important for us to check in on our loved ones, if we can’t help we can always seek help for them. Untreated mental health conditions breed suicide. The distress a man experiences at these times affects the mental being of a person so it becomes harder for one to see possible solutions to problems, or connect with those who can offer support.
Society must be made aware of the importance of men’s mental health. The way they feel should matter therefore, they should be encouraged to open up and seek help. Once the community accept and understand more about mental health it becomes easier for people to understand. Men’s mental health is equally important as women’s. Everyone needs love and support to get past life situations. Seeking and giving help should be done equally therefore people must put efforts together and change the narrative. A problem shared is a problem half solved. Let’s make the world a better place and get the conversation started to ensure that men’s mental health is treated with the importance it deserves.
Voice Rossana Mutema is a Student Counselling psychologist at Great Zimbabwe University. She writes here in her personal capacity.
