Chii chati go mudondo go, chii
chati go mudondo go, imbwa dzangu dzakapera go, kwangosara Samachena go, chii
chati goo mudondoo?! That old folk song that my Karanga ancestors sang for
centuries, and which was later recorded by Mukanya back in the 1980s. Kkk asi Mapfumo
so, zvimwe zvinhu zvadzomboimba ka. Hanzi Heee hiye herere hiye, nyoka musango
kkkk. Ndochii ichocho nhai? Varungu kutotamba rwuyo rwakadaro kuAmerica kwaari
Mukanya uko. Inga zvakaoma! Anyway, I never knew that age-old folk song Chii
chati go mudondo would have so much meaning in this year 2021. Ndosaka zvakanzi
usashora mbodza neinozvimbira. Tiri kumaona magandanga kuMozambique uko, ndo go
mudondo yacho yaitaurwa ka iyoyo. Imagine those terrorists overrunning the town
of Bindura as they overran the town of Palma in northern Mozambique a few weeks
ago. That’s too ghastly a tragedy to contemplate. But I am pleased that isu
imbwa dzedu hadzina kupera, Samachena tinayo nedzimwe dzose dzinoruma ungati
dzakatemerwa mangoromera. Kana kuti dzakafembeswa mhiripiri inopfungaira
muchainga kkkk. Don’t even try it you terrorists, otherwise you would learn the
hard way that Zimbabwe is not to be fooled around with. We are proud of boys’
and girls’ capability to defend the country from both internal and external
threats and that’s for real. Pererai kuMozambique ikoko and be careful munogona
kuvingwa ikoko mumanyiswe muchinowira muIndan Ocean. All of you will be shot dead,
and not at 45⁰ kkk. Did you hear about kaZungula ladies and
gentlemen? I mean that 129m-long new bridge which straddles the Zambezi River
to link Botswana and Zambia. Ehe, it links Botswana and Zambia and bypasses
Zimbabwe. Heyii vakomanaka, ungati takaroyiwa neakafa kkk. The initial designs
of the bridge were such that it would straddle Tswana, Zimbabwean and Zambian
territories but thanks to the intransigence and empty arrogance of that old
devil Mugabe we lost out. Now takungoenda kuofficial opening yeKazungula
takapeta muswe senge Samachena yahwa chati go mudondo iyo ichingori yoga kkkk.
Hanzi naMasisi Zimbabwe irimowo muchirongwa. Hezvo! Tirimo chirudzii iro bridge
riri renyika mbiri? OK ngatingoti tirimo, just like any other Sadc country.
Kana Lesotho irimowo. That’s exactly what happens when you are ruled by a
corrupt cabal with no vision but selfish interest alone. They wanted to protect
that hellhole of a border called Beitbridge where corrupt Zimra and Zinara do
as they please. They thought there was no alternative for Sadc road freight
trade outside of Beitbridge, and now Kazungula is a lost lover who can’t be
recovered kkk. You see, they have no vision. But I don’t mean ED kkk. ED anayo
vision yake, Vision 2030! Ko pane asingaizivi here iyo iri kungoimbwa pose-pose
kudai. Sekuimbwa kwaingoitwa ZimAsset makore aya. Kana sekuimbwa kwaiitwa Chii
chati go mudondo nemadzitateguru angu. By the way where is Tambaoga? Somebody
please tell him to compose a jingle on Vision 2030. Iyo Zinara yakaoma vakomana,
an equivalent of US$50 licence for a small car per term. Ahh! Kozoti iya
yavanokumanikidzai kubhadhara kwahi hee heee insurance. Ndeyeiko isurence
yacho? Before Mapombi dropped out of school, she had learnt in the Commerce
subject that insurance kuda kwako, kwete zve force matter zvakuitwa kuvehicle
insurance izvi. Mapombi is not that much educated yes, but she knows very well
that many of the vehicle insurance companies are owned by the ruling cabal and
their relatives, friends, girlfriends and boyfriends. Go and check at the
companies registry if you doubt her, but bhasopu hauna zita rewaunoziva
raunonowana ikoko kkk. Eheka ahh, pane angapusa zvekunyoresa-nyoresa zita rake
pose-pose? Unonyoresawoka vanhuwo zvavo vasina kana nemusoro wese vokutambira
front iwe zvako wozvidhlira chinyararire. So that you don’t unnecessarily raise
eyebrows ka. You may find that there is a company or companies registered in
Mapombi’s good name kkk. Ko ndo cover yacho zve. Regai tinyarare hedu isu vana
Mapombi, tinoziveiwo hedu nezvedzidzo isu takagumira chikoro pazhira nekushaiwa
fees. But Zinara must give us some value for our money, neyose yavatora pama
tollgate iya. I heard some of their managers were giving each other thousands
of dollars every month yekurukisana musoro kkkk. Since 2011 hama! Just imagine
the looting at grand scale! But nothing surprising there, Zimbabwe has as much Toyota
D4D and Isuzu D-Tech vehicles as those high-income economies as Germany and
South Korea. By the way isu tiri kuda kuva chiiko neVision 2030 zviya?
Upper-Middle Income Economy kkkk. Ko tinokwikwidza zve kkkk, pamamonya ipapo.  Ahh ko kutyei, Cde Mugabe vakatisiira nhaka
zve kkkk. Ko ivo ndakahwa kuti voda kufukunyugwa ndizvo here? Kwahi Ishe Zvimba
vakatodana Grace kudare kuti wakaviga mufi pasingatendegwi kkk. Haa madzishe
awaka, inga hurumende inonogita madiro nawo. Kana nguva yaSmith
ndozvavaingoitwa futi, zvaiva zvimbwasungata zvevarungu. Kana magemenzi
avanopfeka aya, they were designed by the colonial regime. And nobody bothered
to do a redesign after independence; as if to say colonial things are naturally
better than our own. Remember I addressed the issue of Agribank, ah I mean AFC
last time kkk. Kupererwa kusvika pakufunga kuti kusava kwaBob pachikomo
chemagamba ndokuri kuita kuti zvinhu zvisakana munyika kkkk. Haa Bob
akakutongai muupenyu nemurufu zvose. Makamuregerera achienderera mazuva
amaifunga kuti ari kuita zvinhu zvakakunakirai. Hezvino nhasi nemutumbi wake
wakaora kare wokushungurudzai. The likes of Mapombi will not be bothered by all
this. We are just povo after all, with nothing to our name. I used to have hope
that once CSC and Shabani Mashava Mine are reopened, I will get a job. But the
hope has faded. I was told that reopening those mines is a pipe-dream which
will never materialize. Makadzinga Mutumwa Mawere aizvigona. Asi Chinamasa ka,
wakaondonga upenyu hevanhu wena. Kuparadza company huru yakadaro shuwa,
pedzezvo woshaya chekuita official opening kusvika pakuvhura skip bin
kwaRusape. Mukaita muchisvodawo baba imi mhani. As for me, I will never attend
the official opening of anything except an upgraded Chimusana and Chilonga
bridges. Ohh I forgot, even when they finally re-open CSC and Shabani Mashava
Mines. For now let me get back to my plastic shack at Chitima and gather some
rotten bananas for lunch. Kana iwo maputi anonaka sei muchando muno. Mboko
imboko!