Kkkkk ki-ki-ki-kikikiki life so ka! Life. Life. Asi zvimwe muchiti munotamba vakomana! No wonder why Dr Love Paul Matavire asked this question in one of his very popular songs – what sin did I commit before this woman was created? Check my record! Kkkkk Dr Love ka! Mapombi will loosely translate this to; What sin did Shuvai Mahofa commit cdes?
Kkkkk gogo mavaonesa ndondo vakomana, Mapombi zvaakaona at Mucheke Stadium for the Independence Day Celebrations zvinokunda ngoma kurira – haa zvimwe muchiti munotamba vakoma. E-eh at Mucheke ko munhu wese waibvumirwaka kupinda so Mapombi forced his way; of course with his bag full of rotten bananas from Dr Grace Trading Centre. But ummm kune nzara veduwe yakarova muStadium zvekuti mamwe masoja nemapurisa vakaziya vari paParade. Kuwa kuti puuu nenzara. Please do something about this or else people will die of hunger.
Anyway, do you still remember that Mapombi, of the unknown totem, once urged gogo Mahofa the Minister of State for Provincial Affairs for Masvingo to resign. Mapombi now know the reason why she is not resigning – she is surrounded by heartless people who force her to remain in office. In fact they make fun out of her each time she blunders. They try everything from shifting her office to ground floor to even allow her to address anything while seated. Chero national anthem musashamisika mukaona gogo Mahofa vava kuiimba vakagara pasi.
Handiendeee handiendee kuzvika wandiudza pandimire chaipoo ipoo! Let us all clap hands for Tuku because akatoimba achitoziva kuti pane vazingaende zvekumhanya manje. But Mapombi thinks its high time you call it a day mundotamba henyu nevazukuru. But maCdes ka – zvimwe muchandotongwa kudenga chete muchazoti Mapombi akamboreva. Hutsinye rudzi kuita mukadzi mukuru akadaro toy? Honestly, how can you be so ruthless to gogo Shuvai Ben Chikoforo Mahofa? Mapombi felt very bad when he saw gogo Mahofa struggling to disembark from a Mercedes Benz when she arrived at Mucheke Stadium. Kkkkk kuseka nhamo serugare! Mapombi of the unknown totem grew up in rural area and vividly remembers how a child was trained to walk. Taiti dhee mwana dheee-ee dheee-ee mwana dheee and, the baby will be struggling to put one leg forward. Kkkkk that’s what happened at Mucheke – dhee-ee Shuvai dheee! Haaa tinyareiwo mhani!
Why giving those guys in dark glass a difficult time? Shuwa varume vakuru kutogeza nekutopfeka masuit nemagirazi kuti toenda kubasa kuzosimudza gogo Mahofa kuti vakwire paPodium? Kkkkkkk zvimwe muchiti munotamba vakomana – Mapombi atadza kuona the intelligence part of it. Ko kuzorora zvinodii? And you guys you mean there is no perfect match for Mahofa to replace him? Is it all about factions or ndezvebasa? Mapombi is very sure Human Rights organisations are very bitter about this; please give gogo Mahofa some rest – what sin did she commit that you cannot forgive her?
Kkkkkkk Mapombi heard the Cdes were saying tsikai apa gogo; shingai mava kutosvika papodium hold on a bit; batai bhachi rangu zvakasimba kkkkkkk haaa kana kuri iko kutonga tongai mega. Kudakwashe Bhasikiti was far much better than this. Aaah by the way Bhasikiti was gamatox zviya.
vazoisimudze And the guys in dark glasses were busy assisting her so that she can get to the podium – But you mean there is no one to replace that old woman at Benjamin Burombo? Haa try even Black Jesus kana zvanetsa vakomana than this action packed movie yamuri kutionesa iyi.
As if the drama was not enough, gogo Mahofa went on to read President Robert Mugabe’s speech while seated and of course Mapombi heard that had been her style since she came back from sick leave. Well, apology accepted for reading while you are seated. Vana Mapombi hatina hedu kudzidza but zvagogo zvinenge zviri mberi – she struggled to read the speech. The way she pronounced certain words was pathetic. ‘ee-eh the poverty dantum… kikikiki inonzi poverty datum gogo. Ee-eh there is too much conjungusheni in our roads… haaa vakoman its congestion kani mbuya. Todzokerazve kugrade one kundodzidzisana here vakomana.
Cdes in Zanu PF please give us people a break – what is it that Mahofa can do which cannot be done by other Cdes in the party except kutadza kufamba nekusagona kuverenga chingezi zvakanaka? Cdes there is no substitute for old age – bvumai kuchembera ndozvazviri. Ko imhosva here kurwara nhai akomana? Why don’t you allow her to rest? Haaa tinyareiwo isu vana Mapombi chero tiri vapengo hedu!
Anyway, Mapombi was again not impressed by the speech which appeared more like it was meant to address war vets. Mukati hapana kuverengwa wrong speech ipapa? Beacause it was war vets this, war vets that, heee-e we are committed to improve war vets’ living standards; pension, benefits, blah blah. Hope the speech was not the one which was read when President Mugabe addressed war vets few weeks ago.
By the way Mapombi heard we now have muzukuru hanzi Bona akabatsirwa. Nemakorokotozve! Congradulations! Amhlope! Mapombi heard she gave birth in the Far East uko. Vemakuhwa matotanga – please let us not ask why she went to give birth there; whether it’s because our health facilities have deteriorated, let us just celebrate that tava nemuzukuru. And where are the presents Cdes?
But as you all know that Mapombi is a gentleman haavanzi ngatibudirane pachena Cdes – musabawoka mapresents kana mapiwa kuti mundosvitsa kuna Bona. Mapombi know very well kuti padhuze naBona haangapasviki but also want to give her some rotten bananas as present – eh ndozvatodya kuno kuDr Grace Trading Centre. Please please asvike akakwana mabanana iwayo zvamurimi tigozonzwa mastories. By the way, is Tongaat Hulett sending presents to Bona for the new baby? Kkkkkkkkkk Mapombi is just asking not that there is anything bad kungoti zvinhu ngazvisvike to the intended beneficiary zvakakwana. Chete chete.
It’s almost lunch time let me go and eat my rotten bananas otherwise I will be accused of yep yepping. Asi shoko harivhikwi Cdes; regai gogo Mahofa vandozorora munovanetsereiko. Chokwadi kubatiwa gumbo kudzikisiwa mumota wobatiwazve gumbo woiswa panext step kuti vakwanise kukwira paPodium? Hamuna moyo makaita seiko dai vari gogo venyu maivadaro here imi kudzimba dzenyu? Kuita mukadzi mukuru senge toy shuwa!
Kkkkkk but Mapombi once told you kuti vanhu havakudei ava gogo Mahofa. Zino irema chokwadi. Mapombi urge you to resign tinotenda nekushanda kwamakaita gogo it’s now time for you to enjoy your pension muchiitira vazukuru ngano zvenyu. Vamwe vakaudzwa hondo nemurwere wepfungwa vakati anorwara but isu vana Mapombi tinoonera madhiri manje.
By the way, makazombonditsvagirawo here accommodation gogo? Mapombi is stil looking for accommodation; please help me ndanzwa nekurara paDr Gire market apo hapaite nekunhuwa tsvina. Regai ndimbondotsvaga chibage chekukanga maputi nekuti nzara yandisunga ura but if anyone pass through nekwa Chirimudombo please tell them kuti Mapombi ari kukanga waya.Mapombi