Whose vision is Vision 2030?

Ladies and gentlemen, winter is upon us, let’s try to keep warm everywhere kwatiri. Let’s keep safe and avoid taking drugs that our dear Ministers are taking. Muri kushamisika, our Ministers are the worst drug abusers and dai ndirini mukuru weMapurisa I would deploy sniffer dogs at every cabinet meeting coz ndokwadziri kurohwa ikoko. I used to think dzinorohwa kuFinance kune Boys Dzesmoko led by Mutuvi wekwaNcube but I never imagined kuti nekuAgric vari kurima vachisvuta vega. Our Minister of Agric is a user zvekutodaro. I used to regard Jongwe Masuka as one of the best and when he won the Best Minister award I said yes. That is one of the very few instances I agreed with Trabablas but I recently discovered I was wrong. I think he is responsible of getting best grades of Mbanje that was legalized gore riya and taking to cabinet. Murume Mukuru kusatonyara kutaura in front of camera hanzi Zimbabwe is one of the areas kunorimwa fodya yemandiriri yekuti kana aisvuta gotsi rinoti papata nekunakirwa. What’s that nhaiwe Jongwe? What are you telling these youngsters? Hee? Nxaaa! Are you encouraging youngsters kuti vasvute? Iko pane akambonzwa here kuti those who were licensed to grow mbanje gore riya vari kudii, kana dzirikurimwa dziri kuendepi chaizvo? Mukati hadzisiridzo dzakarohwa naMasuka here gotsi rikati papata nekunakirwa. I think vari kurima should be giving him some form of chegumi and he abuses it ini. We are advocating against drugs and someone is busy praising fodya yemuZimbabwe. Mashaya zvimwe here, dai matoti mapfura edu ekuMwenezi anonaka zvaitova nani. Yes let’s agree maybe ari kurevesa, but what are we getting from it? What do we have to show for it? Sure a whole country ingatoita mbiri yekunzi yarima fodya in this era and age. If that was true dai tichiona maChina achiirima. Nekuda kwavo zvinhu I am sure they could have already ventured into tobacco farming but they know kune cash chaiko ndokwavanoda kkkk. Gold and lithium.
Masuka stop smoking and supplying kunana Mutuvi uko. I hear tobacco is called the golden leaf, mukati haisiri iyo yakashandiswa kuita back up Zig imi? Haa the guys smoked it gotsi rakati papata vakati lets back our currency nayo. I used to think these guys were serious with introducing new currency but it has dawned on me that the currency was simply introduced for people to get change. That’s the same concept used when they introduced bond notes. Trabablas chaiye said it hanzi ndeye kutenge matohwe, madomasi etc and we laughed out at the dry joke but now hazvichasekesi. Haisi kuoneka kana mari yacho. Where is the currency nhai Mushayamazano. Heee?
I always hear Vision 2030, Vision 2030, are there any strides being made towards achieving it? Maybe I have asked the wrong question. Whose vision is it anyway? Do we really expect to have a middle income economy by 2030 or tikutovharwa zvedu. I think Vision 2030 means something else not zvemiddle income izvi, it’s all banter. Toita middle income economy how nemaZig iwaya kkk. Ukatonzwa zizita racho riri heavy kkk unoti maybe kune zvisvinu kkk. Ko iro Zig racho rimbori kupi, I haven’t seen it here at Chitima and I hear a few vachiti vakamboriona. Mukati boys dzesmoko hadzisi kunyara kuriburitsa imi kkk. Please don’t quote me wrong, I know some of you would want to say heee Mapombi is not patriotic but zvimwe zvacho mozozvinyanya vakomana. Who did the design yemaZig? That person needs a couple of lashes. Dai mukauya necomputer kuno kuChitima I would have done a better job, a better design than mashura andakaona pariri. The bond paper, ah sorry bond note was better than this, mari yepi inotobuda yakachenuruka kunge yambowachirwa muhomwe? Iri ndiro bond paper chairo. Paya we heard the bond was designed and printed in Germany, iri I think rakarohwa kana paChitungwiza kwaChigovanyika kana kwaChikwanha chete. Mashura epi iwayo even kuMbare kune mabetter designers than mashura ayo. Kwaakuti hee vision 2030 nemari yakashata kudaro. Imika imi. Tisati tatombotaura zvevalue, the design is pathetic. Ladies and gentlemen, I think vision 2030 is a presidential vision zveshuwa, it’s just fulfilling the 2030 ndendichipo mantra nothing else. Kutaura sure vanenge vachipo zvavo Baba 2 ko vanoendepi setine oppositioin muZimbabawe. Kuda kana vatosiira havo PV nekuti Dugish naKedhawo bodo.
Ko muri kuitaneiko mumusangano wevanhu umu, I hear Neville is spending more days ariko kuseri kkk. The foul mouthed Mutsvangwa is silent, he tried to play the victim card hanzi hee ndiKedha anoda kundikonanisa naPresident kkkk, nhamo. Kana chaimbokuda chokusema. I am sure even Monica was silenced also coz vakamboda kutaurisa kkkk. Hanzi hee political persecution, nxaa, yes it could be that, but haanawo mhosva here? Haana kubatwa anayo here? Chete muZim we all know selective application of the law, dai waitevedzerwa chaizvo we could have been celebrating manje we need a real net rinobata zvese not a spider web inodheerera nhunzi nenyuchi ichisiya matsvinyu nezvidhanana zvichidonha. Iko ndakanzwa kuti Monica and Oppah are fighting for control of Manicaland and Monica is chasing away Oppah hanzi enda kwako kuMasvingo kkk. Yes, Monica had succeeded and Oppah is starting to invest back home kuMasvingo. Yes, she started by a fuel service station, if you go kwaNyika and you will see the newest station, yes iyoyo, ndeyake zvake Zvipange Kashiri. I know most of you didn’t know she is originally from here, akatozoenda nababa vake vatenga purazi ikoko and then got married ikoko kkkk. I think she is now hitting back at Monica and is behind all what is happening. She is clever Oppah don’t underestimate her. Kana muchiti ndiri kunyepa go and ask other Cdes kuti who was with General Tongo when he was promoted to glory. Tambai naye zvenyu at your own peril but she is dangerous just like the croc itself. Musazoti handina kumbotaura.
But on a lighter note, ko kana tikangobvumirana hedu senyika kuti the former Change Champion in Chief vasiye zvavo politics and join the entertainment industry vachirova maskits and being hired kundufu to make people laugh zvinodii? I think he is more humorous than many in the industry. At least he gives people some hope and entertainment because everyone kungomuka takatsamwira Hurumende everyday mazuvano kkkk. His jokes are really funny zvekuti akaita president everyone will watch ZBC. Yes not zvaana Trabablas and Amai vanopiwa airplay everytime but nothing chine musoro is said. I miss zvangu Dr Gire, vainakidza kunzwa zvavo Amai alongside Uncle Bob. Aya mashura atava nawo aya haa, tongotiwo Mwari matidarirei. I saw Nero clad in Zion Retambo gemenzi vachipesvuka pesvuka kwaGutu kufuneral uko. He managed to comfort the bereaved with his crazy statements. But mukaona vaDaniel Mberikunashe tell him to stop it. Sure munhu waCllr kukundwa napresident kutamba parufu imi makangomisa ndebvu chena. Nxaaa. Nhasi hangu nemapferorist, I know they will say hee president waani, president wei, yeah he is a president hameno wei but kwavo vanomuti president asingade ngaabude muZimbabwe kkk.
Anyway, I miss the G40s zvangu, nyika yainakidza paya not the useless factions we have now. Mungati sure one faction is being led by Kedha sure, nxaa, we miss the likes of Tyson, Jonso, Mzembi and obvious, our beloved VP Cde Mboko, is it Mphoko or Mboko, but zvese zvinoita. Kwedu kwaChirimudombo Mboko haasi mukuwasha, inhanga, rimwe zinhanga rakangokura kura so rinobikiswa nhopi kkk. Iko ndaipanga veduwe, apa gore rino mvura yakaramba kunaya hakuna kana manhanga angova mavisi asingadi mvura chete. Ko Killer Zivhu akazodii neChivi ZimAsset yekurima mavisi iya nekuisa mareflectors pamadhongi so that haatsikwe nemagonyeti along the highway kkk. Like any other politician Killer is a liar. He is back in the party hope he will continue with his projects because madhongi anzwa nekutsikwa mune iyo road yakadai kunaka. Iyo road dai yachipera, it’s the only development yakaitwa ne2nd Republic kkk. Ukangoti makaitei unonzwa look at the Beit-Bridge Highway. Ehe ndizvo hazvo asi dai yachipera and magadzirawo Mucheke bridge rachipera coz naMwari kudai, one day is one day.
Anyway regai ndimbonotsvaka zvangu mapaper ekuvesa moto chando chadai kubvurira ndigowana kukanga zvangu maputi angu for lunch. If anyone sees VP Mphoko please tell him that the season yemaIncubators yasvika he can now distribute kana pane zvimwe zvavakasarawo nazvo, mati vakapedzeredza ese paya. Ini chero ndikawanawo imwe veduwee kuno kuchitima kwatonhora. Until next week, mboko imboko!