Perpetua Murungweni
What was meant to be a happily ever after for Tendai crumbled down on her when her sister disclosed her HIV status to her husband putting an end to their marriage.
Tendai Sande (not her real name) (28) from Mutare in Bocha Marange, Mukuni division farm was born HIV-positive, and her mother passed away when she was just nine months old leaving her to be raised by her mother’s siblings.
‘I didn’t know about my condition until it was revealed to me when I grew up and was told to take my medication religiously which I followed. When I finished my A -Levels I moved to Harare to live with my siblings and this is when I met my first husband.
“My first marriage ended after eight months, I was young and scared to reveal my status to my husband. We did not go for testing, I didn’t know the proper steps to follow. My husband later learnt about my status and we decided to get tested together and that was the end of our marriage,” Tendai said.
She said her husband chased her away and threatened to sue her for not disclosing her status.
“Luckily, he tested negative and I was not pregnant, however I had to start again. Stigma from relatives and friends grew, but there was nothing much I could do but to move on with my life,” added Tendai.
Her second marriage seemed promising, but when her husband discovered her secret, he chased her away.
“After almost 3 years, I found myself in love again, I repeated my first mistake of not disclosing my status, right now I regret that if I had told him the truth he could have accepted me the way I was.
“After 10 months of dating, he paid my bride price (lobola). I couldn’t tell him because I feared losing him again, however, I took my medication in secret. One year passed, and I got pregnant with my first child. When booking for maternity, my husband found big tablets and asked what they were for and I lied that they were for my pregnancy but he was not satisfied,” said Tendai.
According to Tendai her husband later sought advice from his uncle who advised him to visit the clinic.
“He suggested we got tested together, I could not refuse and this is when all hell broke loose. That’s how he learnt about my status, again he was lucky he tested negative,” she said.
She was later chased away.
Tendai now has accepted her fate, and now lives happily as a single mom.
“I gave birth to an HIV-negative son, who is now in grade three. I do not think I can remarry again after what I went through. Nowadays I am focusing on issues to empower myself and my son. I have since joined a support group in my area where I am being empowered,” she added.
Sarah Sithole (22) from Sikato farm in Masvingo also faced stigma from her in-laws.
“I got pregnant in high school and eloped with my boyfriend to his family’s house. My boyfriend knew that I was HIV positive and he did not have any challenges with that and I took my medication freely,” she said.
She however said her mother in law discovered about her status when she accompanied her for antenatal visits and it did not go well with her to the extent of telling everyone about her status, she however decided to leave the marriage.
“I hope one day I will find a family that will accept the way I am, if it means I am going write to those radio programs looking for someone with the same status as I definitely I would do that,” she added.
Nyaradzai Munyoro Family and Marriage Counsellor said she has witnessed a number of marital struggles which people living with HIV face.
“People living with HIV face numerous marital struggles, including internal conflicts, interpersonal challenges and societal stigma. These struggles encompass fear of transmission, guilt, anxiety, emotional distancing, disclosure fears, rejection, social isolation, strained relationships, in-law rejection, family planning concerns, childcare worries, financial strain, and caregiver burden.
However according to Munyoro individuals can cope through open communication, education, support groups, counseling, self-care and stress management.
“Serodiscordant couples face more challenges than those who share the same status because most individuals fear to disclose their statuses they are worried about judgment, rejection, or abandonment. Others struggle with adherence to antiretroviral therapy (ART), taking medication irregularly due to fear of being judged or concerns about transmitting the virus to their partner,” Munyoro said.
Munyoro said despite the challenges these people face, with the aid of counseling some of them conquer their struggles.
Zimbabwe National Network for People Living with HIV (ZNNP+) National programmes manager, Tonderai Mwareka said HIV positive people within the marital space face many challenges.
“Being HIV positive at times perpetuates gender based violence because there will be accusations and counter accusations of who could have brought the virus. So when you look into those things, the marital set up is the one that I think needs education so that couples disclose to each other, and discuss their issues.
“At times its easy when a man is HIV positive and the women is not but on the other hand if it is a woman who is HIV positive and the man is not it brings about a lot of challenges within the marital setup because of our society which is patriarchal in nature,” he said.
Mwareka said there is need to support people to disclose to their spouses or partners in a mutual or more respective way.
“If people disclose to each other normally we have what we call undetectable equals untransmutable. Evidence shows that if someone is HIV positive and that person is taking his or her medicines religiously the person is adhering to his or her treatment normally the virus is suppressed and once it is suppressed it is inactive and once it is inactive the chances of transmitting the virus to your partner even if it is unprotected sex normally the chances are close to zero so people need to be educated and know about that” Mwareka added.
He said quite a number of serodiscordant couples have children who are HIV negative.
“So we need to address this stigma around HIV/AIDS. Nowadays it is no longer like a death sentence, it’s like a chronic issue that can be managed once one adheres to his or her medication,” said Mwareka.
He however encouraged HIV positive people to join support groups which helps in navigating relationships.
HIV – related stigma remains an issue in Zimbabwe. In 2022, the HIV Stigma Index report for Zimbabwe found that 70% of people with HIV had experienced stigma due to their HIV status.
UNICEF report shows that in 2021, 11, 58% translating to an estimate of 1,3million people in Zimbabwe are living with HIV and AIDS. About 72,100 were children 0 to 14 years and 77,300 adolescents aged 10 to 19.
UNICEF Zimbabwe country program 2022 to 2026 report shows that of the Zimbabwe’s population of 15 million, 54% are under the age of 20, 1/3 of all new HIV infections are in Adolescents and Youth People (15-24yrs).
“Stigma prevents adolescents accessing HIV/sexual reproductive health services and there is limited space for meaningful participation of adolescents in decision-making,” reads part of the report.
ZIMPHIA 2020 research found that 86.8 percent of adults living with HIV were aware of their status and of those aware of their status, 97.0 percent were on antiretroviral treatment. Among those on treatment, 90.3 percent achieved viral load suppression.
