So Chiwenga is not number 2 after all?

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Ladies and gentlemen, I know quite a smaller number of us have kept abreast of the on-goings in the Russia-Ukraine invasion save for those few interested in international relations and how the geo-political challenges are taking a toll on world order. Yes, it’s happening and I heard Russian President Vladimir Putin is now officially on the International Criminal Court (ICC) wanted list and faces imminent arrest. We need to just peep through the window of this global suburb because the threats by former Russian President Medvedev where he says any arrest of Putin is a declaration of war on Russia and they are prepared to detonate the nuclear bombs and since they have shown the rest of the world that they are trigger happy, taking such threats for granted by thinking that its mere bluffing will be at one’s own risk. However, I just want to implore ICC to put criminals in Zimbabwe on the same list as vanaPutin. Yes, their level of crime is almost the same, these guys are killing innocent civilians just like in a war but they walk scot-free, Anyway, zvana Putin ndeimwe nyaya, let me go back to my beloved country Zimbabwe via the Middle East paDubai apo ndichinoona minanana irikuitwa neGold remunyika yababa. Ndandamboti ndinyenyeredze because haaiii, all that glitters is gold idi kudai.
Last week I implored Aljazeera to spare us the anxiety, I am happy they finally released it kkk, hanzi maNudzu enyika akaleaker, they are hot kudarika zvaana mai Denzel zviya kkk. Even sextape ra Acie Lumumba is nowhere close to this one, chiri kupisa baba. Yaaa, I once told you that criminals were now surrounding our President and you took me for a ride. Hapana New Dispensation apa, it’s just a bunch of looters and nothing less. They were in it just to further their greediness not to rescue us from uncle Bob. Bob was cruel and all bad as you know but he never dealt with these clowns you call prophets; kuisa vana Ajigija pazvinhu havoka vakufamba vachiudza vanhu kuti vanoremera mastreets kkkkk, chete we do not know who recruited who ipapa but the bottom line is zvinonyadzisa. I am sure now maakundinzwisisa kana ndichitaura kuti hapana New Dispensation apa. I know muporofita haaite chiremera mudunhu rekwake but one day you shall believe me. Of course talking of prophets I don’t mean this Mudzanire guy and these so called ‘men of Gold’, ana Brother Paul kkkkk. Shuwa mungatora mbavha yakadzingwa kuKenya uko yawisa economy yakakura kudaro kuuya kuti muchikuva menyu tsvee! Munosvodesa henyu hama dzangu. Ende you are all the same—Mai Mujuru ndovanonzi vakagashira that Pattni guy until he established a duty free grocery business here in Zimbabwe. He went on to copy and paste the same looting scheme yaakadzingirwa kuKenya to the T. And one thing I have noticed in these criminals is how they all boast of having power. Hanzi naPattni Zimbabwe ndakainyurura mumadhaka iyi, kkkkk. The manifestation of the ‘chinhu chedu’ syndrome.
I used not to have any reason to vote for the opposition since yakangoitawo zvayo zvayo but now I have a reason not to vote for Zanu PF. I can’t vote for people who squander national resources kunge vari kudya mushonga wemusana. National interests ceased to exist a long time ago and the ordinary Zimbo endures the brunt of economic hardships to make ends meet let alone afford a decent meal, vamwe vachidya naMambo, buying mansions for their teenage sons’ birthdays; ehe icho chedu chepaZaka Enjero Mudzanire ichi. Havana moyo vanhu ava zveshuwa, chakakosha matumbu emhuri nevana vavo ruzhinji rwakavokera.
I used to shudder ndichinzwa how powerful Chiwenga is kkkk, hanzi ndiye anotonga vana ED are just scarecrows varidzi vechinhu varipo, I am sure you all heard who number 2 is in Zimbabwe kkk. Chikomana chepaChivamba apa pano paZaka apa is at the helm of this country while people from Sadza are happy that their son Kedha is number 2 kkk mashura. But gore rino tichadzidza zvakawanda mirai muone zvenyu. Kungoti Aljazeera ramba wakadzvanya. Bata panopisa ipapo kkk. But kamufana kayaka, kana kasingapengika, kanopenga chete. Hanzi I can sign treaties on behalf of the president and no questions asked kkk. Plenipotentiary kkkkkk, mofa chete nawo mavhoko nhaka. Saka nhai Mangudya uchaita sei? Nhaimi ko vana Mpofu vachaita sei? Ko ivo vanhu veZanu vaiti hee masanctions tichitaura kuti icorruption muchiramba, muchati kudii nhaimi? Havana nyadzi vanaHenrietta vaya.
Does anyone have Angel’s number, I want to talk to him, handingashayi anondipa cell ndimbomufonera, I want to ask him kuti kudenga chaiko chaiko unoda kuenda here iyewe? Tese tinoziva kuti he may have been asked to oversee this massive looting, hazvirambike. Ummm Zimbabwe it’s high time we wake up. Muchingoti yes papa yes papa mari ichiwachwa uko. I wonder those who follow his church kuti vachaita sei. I guess they are more inspired than enraged.
Episode 1 ichipisa kudai, lets brace ourselves. Mukahwavo Mapombi adomwa don’t be surprised, ndakamboita zvimabotique zveshangu mared bottoms nehembe dzinodhura ari madhiri ekuwacha mari, kkk. Still on that, makamboona some businesses aunoshaya kuti arikusurviver sei in this economy? Now I know kuti it’s all money laundering. Let me heed to Mbudziyadura’s advice, hanzi comment after all the four episodes have been aired. But Mapombi is sure of many other guys who are implicated in this deal, naMwari kudai ndovaziva ini but regai zvangu ndimbonyarara for now, I will comment later kkkk.
But kana ndimiwo, how can a level-headed person committed to fighting corruption appoint Henrietta to oversee the mining federation given how wicked her immediate past is. Kuisa muzukuru pamukoko chaiko, gonzo mudura renzungu kkkk. The same Henrietta who brought our football to its knees during her reign as Zifa CEO and a lot of match fixing scandals were reported then? It’s as if her resume inotopisa in leadership circles because haa, she is the criminal surrounding our leadership, and the most wanted. Kkkk, this week we are all gold ‘punners’ because of this documentary (pun intended). Henrietta is the true meaning of ‘saka muchaita sei?’. She just said she picked the wrong bag paya zvikatovharwa, momudii semunoroya? Asi nhai Emmerson, have you forgotten when you swore that tackling corruption was one of the key areas under your leadership, so what is happening right now? Nyika irikutongwa nemakorokoza and the machete gangsters. Zvichidai kugold, ko kumadrugs uko? Ko iyo platinum? Ko madiamonds? Ko iwo maChina arikungoputitsa mabwe pose pose? Zimbabwe is just one big crime scene I tell you.
Ini ndomboita sendinopenga hangu asi haaa vana veIsrael vakademba kuti Moses dai akavarega vari muEgypt because now those who have the means to loot varikutorera kuenda. Kuita kukokotedza. Kurovera pakuru, kukamburira tuu. Did you see how Profit Angel reacted pakataurwa zve one bhidza? Kkkkkk, murume mukuru kurwerwa rute kuita seachadonha pachair. Greed is a disease ndokuudzai oo.
NanaSB Moyo mushakabvu are implicated, I am sure if he was here he would see who the criminals around the president really are. Fingers crossed, pamwe Kedha is implicated mumanext episodes kkkk, zvinhu zvacho so. Chete haachina nyangawo Kedha wacho, he has been overtaken by Angel achingoti It won’t work, no it will work, you will not work kkkkk
I was supposed to have dwelt on the primary elections adai kunetsa, team rakadirwa mvura last week when they had spent kumasero election date richibva rachinjwa. Unohwa sounotsva, kkkk. Zvokwadi mumwe anonyura. We were relieved sesu kuno kuchitima noise yakamboita shoma. I wish I was in the cell register ndaimbozororawo mabanana akaora this week. Chiororo ndicho kugeneral election Masvingo Urban hamulumi.
Before I go kunokanga zvangu maputi angu for lunch, has anyone heard from Runaida? Yes I mean Mai Mujuru, pamwe we will hear from her zvapabuda zvinyaya nyaya kudai. Hanzi ndovaiva nezhet rese when Brother Paul came into our teapot shaped humble lodgings. Cursed be the day. Gore rino tichaonerera. Mboko Imboko!

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