Kkkkk ki-ki-ki-kikikiki life so ka! Life. Life. Asi zvimwe muchiti munotamba vakomana! No wonder why Dr Love Paul Matavire asked this question in one of his very popular songs – what sin did I commit before this woman was created? Check my record! Kkkkk Dr Love ka! Mapombi will loosely translate this to; What sin did Shuvai Mahofa commit cdes?

Kkkkk gogo mavaonesa ndondo vakomana, Mapombi zvaakaona at Mucheke Stadium for the Independence Day Celebrations zvinokunda ngoma kurira – haa zvimwe muchiti munotamba vakoma. E-eh at Mucheke ko munhu wese waibvumirwaka kupinda so Mapombi forced his way; of course with his bag full of rotten bananas from Dr Grace Trading Centre.  But ummm kune nzara veduwe yakarova muStadium zvekuti mamwe masoja nemapurisa vakaziya vari paParade. Kuwa kuti puuu nenzara. Please do something about this or else people will die of hunger.

Anyway, do you still remember that Mapombi, of the unknown totem, once urged gogo Mahofa the Minister of State for Provincial Affairs for Masvingo to resign. Mapombi now know the reason why she is not resigning – she is surrounded by heartless people who force her to remain in office. In fact they make fun out of her each time she blunders. They try everything from shifting her office to ground floor to even allow her to address anything while seated. Chero national anthem musashamisika mukaona gogo Mahofa vava kuiimba vakagara pasi.

Handiendeee handiendee kuzvika wandiudza pandimire chaipoo ipoo! Let us all clap hands for Tuku because akatoimba achitoziva kuti pane vazingaende zvekumhanya manje. But Mapombi thinks its high time you call it a day mundotamba henyu nevazukuru. But maCdes ka – zvimwe muchandotongwa kudenga chete muchazoti Mapombi akamboreva. Hutsinye rudzi kuita mukadzi mukuru akadaro toy? Honestly, how can you be so ruthless to gogo Shuvai Ben Chikoforo Mahofa? Mapombi felt very bad when he saw gogo Mahofa struggling to disembark from a Mercedes Benz when she arrived at Mucheke Stadium. Kkkkk kuseka nhamo serugare! Mapombi of the unknown totem grew up in rural area and vividly remembers how a child was trained to walk.  Taiti dhee mwana dheee-ee dheee-ee mwana dheee and, the baby will be struggling to put one leg forward. Kkkkk that’s what happened at Mucheke – dhee-ee Shuvai dheee! Haaa tinyareiwo mhani!

Why giving those guys in dark glass a difficult time? Shuwa varume vakuru kutogeza nekutopfeka masuit nemagirazi kuti toenda kubasa kuzosimudza gogo Mahofa kuti vakwire paPodium? Kkkkkkk zvimwe muchiti munotamba vakomana – Mapombi atadza kuona the intelligence part of it. Ko kuzorora zvinodii? And you guys you mean there is no perfect match for Mahofa to replace him? Is it all about factions or ndezvebasa? Mapombi is very sure Human Rights organisations are very bitter about this; please give gogo Mahofa some rest –  what sin did she commit that you cannot forgive her?

Kkkkkkk Mapombi heard the Cdes were saying tsikai apa gogo;  shingai mava kutosvika papodium hold on a bit; batai bhachi rangu zvakasimba kkkkkkk haaa kana kuri iko kutonga tongai mega. Kudakwashe Bhasikiti was far much better than this. Aaah by the way Bhasikiti was gamatox zviya.

vazoisimudze And the guys in dark glasses were busy assisting her so that she can get to the podium – But you mean there is no one to replace that old woman at Benjamin Burombo? Haa try even Black Jesus kana zvanetsa vakomana than this action packed movie yamuri kutionesa iyi.

 As if the drama was not enough, gogo Mahofa went on to read President Robert Mugabe’s speech while seated and of course Mapombi heard that had been her style since she came back from sick leave. Well, apology accepted for reading while you are seated. Vana Mapombi hatina hedu kudzidza but zvagogo zvinenge zviri mberi – she struggled to read the speech. The way she pronounced certain words was pathetic. ‘ee-eh the poverty dantum… kikikiki inonzi poverty datum gogo. Ee-eh there is too much conjungusheni in our roads… haaa vakoman its congestion kani mbuya. Todzokerazve kugrade one kundodzidzisana here vakomana.

Cdes in Zanu PF please give us people a break – what is it that Mahofa can do which cannot be done by other Cdes in the party except kutadza kufamba nekusagona kuverenga chingezi zvakanaka?  Cdes there is no substitute for old age – bvumai kuchembera ndozvazviri. Ko imhosva here kurwara nhai akomana? Why don’t you allow her to rest? Haaa tinyareiwo isu vana Mapombi chero tiri vapengo hedu!

Anyway, Mapombi was again not impressed by the speech which appeared more like it was meant to address war vets. Mukati hapana kuverengwa wrong speech ipapa? Beacause it was war vets this, war vets that, heee-e we are committed to improve war vets’ living standards; pension, benefits, blah blah. Hope the speech was not the one which was read when President Mugabe addressed war vets few weeks ago.

By the way Mapombi heard we now have muzukuru hanzi Bona akabatsirwa. Nemakorokotozve! Congradulations! Amhlope! Mapombi heard she gave birth in the Far East uko. Vemakuhwa matotanga – please let us not ask why she went to give birth there; whether it’s because our health facilities have deteriorated, let us just celebrate that tava nemuzukuru. And where are the presents Cdes?

But as you all know that Mapombi is a gentleman haavanzi ngatibudirane pachena Cdes – musabawoka mapresents kana mapiwa kuti mundosvitsa kuna Bona. Mapombi know very well kuti padhuze naBona haangapasviki but also want to give her some rotten bananas as present –  eh ndozvatodya kuno kuDr Grace Trading Centre. Please please asvike akakwana mabanana iwayo zvamurimi tigozonzwa mastories. By the way, is Tongaat Hulett sending presents to Bona for the new baby? Kkkkkkkkkk Mapombi is just asking not that there is anything bad kungoti zvinhu ngazvisvike to the intended beneficiary zvakakwana. Chete chete.

It’s almost lunch time let me go and eat my rotten bananas otherwise I will be accused of yep yepping. Asi shoko harivhikwi Cdes; regai gogo Mahofa vandozorora munovanetsereiko. Chokwadi kubatiwa gumbo kudzikisiwa mumota wobatiwazve gumbo woiswa panext step kuti vakwanise kukwira paPodium? Hamuna moyo makaita seiko dai vari gogo venyu maivadaro here imi kudzimba dzenyu? Kuita mukadzi mukuru senge toy shuwa! 

Kkkkkk but Mapombi once told you kuti vanhu havakudei ava gogo Mahofa. Zino irema chokwadi. Mapombi urge you to resign tinotenda nekushanda kwamakaita gogo it’s now time for you to enjoy your pension muchiitira vazukuru ngano zvenyu. Vamwe vakaudzwa hondo nemurwere wepfungwa vakati anorwara but isu vana Mapombi tinoonera madhiri manje.

By the way, makazombonditsvagirawo here accommodation gogo? Mapombi is stil looking for accommodation; please help me ndanzwa nekurara paDr Gire market apo hapaite nekunhuwa tsvina. Regai ndimbondotsvaga chibage chekukanga maputi nekuti nzara yandisunga ura but if anyone pass through nekwa Chirimudombo please tell them kuti Mapombi ari kukanga waya.Mapombi

TOURISM and Hospitality Minister Walter Mzembi recently came under fire from the people of Masvingo for failing to do anything to prop up his home province that is seriously lagging behind in national tourism promotion programmes.

He was castigated when he recently delivered a public lecture at the Great Zimbabwe University’s main campus in Masvingo where he hinted that the Chinese who are all-weather friends to the Zanu-PF Government were reluctant to visit the country. 

Minister Mzembi said it was proving exceedingly difficult to court the Chinese tourists to come to Africa although he said there was need for the national airliner to resume flights to Asia.

He said he had sent a team to liaise with Masvingo’s Minister of State for Provincial Affairs Shuvai Mahofa on what modalities could be put in place to promote tourism in the province.

He left people disgruntled and questioning whether dispatching a team to Mahofa is all what the minister could do for his home province in the two terms he had been minister in that same portfolio.

In an apparent admission of his failure to do something for his province he said, “We are well aware of Masvingo’s great tourism potential and we have just dispatched a team to liaise with the Minister of State in the province Cde (Shuvai) Mahofa on what modalities can be put in place to promote the province’s tourism sites.

“We are going to use the information to make sure we market the province both regionally and internationally,” he said.

His submission was clearly unsatisfactory to the people who murmured whether the minister needed to consult a State Minister on development projects that fall directly under his ministry.

“While we applaud President Mugabe for giving the tourism portfolio to Masvingo maybe having realised the province’s tourism potential, Mzembi has done little if anything to promote tourism in the province. Of course nationally, regionally and internationally he looks brilliant but what use is his brilliance when back home people are not realising the fruits of his work. He looks like he no longer belongs in the province. We know a good number of ministers who use the platform of being in cabinet to develop their areas first,” said a tourism guru in Masvingo who spoke on condition of anonymity.

Mzembi and Mahofa are however not only known but sworn antagonists both in Zanu-PF and outside Zanu-PF having clashed over a white-owned farm that Mzembi wanted to seize and Mahofa refused alleging that it was strategic to the province.

Despite the province having numerous tourism attractions that if spruced up and marketed can give it some mileage regionally and internationally, the minister who is also a Member of Parliament for Masvingo South, has no doubt shown all and sundry that he has not quite measured up to the task promoting tourism in the province. 

Mzembi is known for being witty and for his wardrobe finesse. He has a good CV as a minister regionally and internationally but is failing to deliver home the products of those things that have seen his brand growing.

Maybe he is just lucky, just like most ministers in President Mugabe’s cabinet. He is viewed as President Mugabe’s blue-eyed boy and is in the same youthful league with Supa Mandiwanzira.

With the Masvingo being the oldest colonial settlement and having the famous Great Zimbabwe monuments where the country derives its name and where the history of the country could be told, one would think Minister Mzembi would want to be seen to be doing something for it but he seems  unconcerned.

He stressed the need to twin Great Zimbabwe and the Great Wall of China as part of strategies to tap into the Asian giant's tourism market.

"We are making efforts to tap into the Chinese market. We are considering proposing a twinning arrangement between Great Zimbabwe monuments and the Great Wall of China," said Minister Mzembi.

The province is endowed with other tourist attractions apart from Great Zimbabwe Monuments such as Kyle National Park, Gonarezhou National Park which is arguably one of the biggest wildlife conservancies in the country with a large number of the country’s elephants, Malilangwe and the politically controversial Save Conservancy and many others strewn in the province.

It is in Masvingo where the largest water reservoirs in the country are found with Lake Mtirikwi and Tokwe – Murkosi Dam that is still under construction and whose completion is set to mark another great page in agriculture and tourism in the province but with ministers such as Mzembi, Masvingo’s great tourism potential may just remain a pipe dream.

The death of tourism in the province has witnessed the dysfunction of Masvingo airport and the Buffalo Ranch airport in Chiredzi that were very busy during the days the economy was sound and tourists were flocking into the country. 

Mzembi has failed to champion the development of his constituency where roads are in a deplorable state and are often completely impassable especially during the rainy season.news

There has been an outcry over unfair distribution of social welfare food in Nemamwa with some villagers accusing their village head of taking bribes and favouring his relatives.

Villagers from Muza Village in Ward 7 under Chief Mugabe have accused their village head,  Ratson Haruzivishe, of putting his relatives at the top of the beneficiaries list.

Haruzivishe is also allegedly demanding bribes from those who want to receive food aid from the social welfare programme.

“Needy people who are supposed to benefit from the programme are not benefiting because our village head is putting members of his extended family and those who bribe him first,” said one villager.

The village head is also said to be demanding a dollar per month from every household in his village. Those who do not comply are threatened with banishment from the village or are left out from aid programs by CARE International and the Social Welfare ministry.

Haruzivishe, however, denied the accusations saying he had nothing to do with social welfare food distribution. 

“I have nothing to do with social welfare, you must ask the councillor because he is the one responsible for that,” he said.

Efforts to get a comment from Ward 7 councillor Nickolas Tavakonza were fruitless as he hung up his phone when he was asked about this issue and his mobile has been going unanswered until the time of going to print.news

As the full effects of the El Nino-induced drought begin to be felt, Gutu Rural District Council (GRDC) has suspended Riverton Academy’s water rights permit saying supplies to the private school were disadvantaging people of Chiwara area and their livestock.

GRDC gave rights to Philemon Mutangiri, owner of the academy, to draw water from the Matezva Dam that lies next to Bikita Minerals on the Mungezi River which runs between Gutu and Bikita districts. 

But Riverton will from now on be expected to drill boreholes and come up with its own back-up plan to cover the gap created by the withdrawal of the water rights. 

A recent full council meeting heard that complaints had been received from the people in the Chiwara who fear the low water levels in the dam were endangering their lives and the lives of their livestock.

A subsequent investigation carried out by the council revealed that Riverton Academy was using the water which it drew from the Matezva Dam to water its pastures at the expense of the local community.

The council resolved that in view of the declining water levels in the dam, priority had to be given to the community.

It was unanimously agreed that the permit that entitled Riverton Academy to water rights in the dam be suspended until such time the situation improved.

Climatologists are predicting water conflicts as the effects of global warming increasingly take toll on world water resources with Sub-Saharan Africa being among the hardest hit.news

As political parties scramble to rally masses behind them ahead of the 2018 elections, the Renewal Democrats of Zimbabwe (RDZ) has descended on Masvingo setting up grassroots structures.

RDZ president Elton Mangoma told TellZim News that they have already started preparations for the 2018 elections and are covering the whole country creating grassroots structures.

“We want to be visible from now on until we get to elections. We are working hard to make sure that people believe in us as the only party which can bring political sanity to this country.

“Many political parties share an obsession of wanting to remove Mugabe from office but are clueless on how to govern the country. RDZ is a party of hope and people should rally behind us for a better Zimbabwe,” said Mangoma.

 He added that they have already finished setting up structures in most districts in Masvingo and are happy with the progress.

“We have made inroads in Masvingo and we are happy with the results. Structures have already been put in place in Zaka, Bikita, Mwenezi, Chivi and Chiredzi. All the members will work to make sure that people will rally behind the party of hope,” he said.

Masvingo province has over the past months provided fertile hunting grounds for new political outfits including the most recent Zimbabwe People First (ZPF) party of former Vice President Joice Mujuru.news

Hundreds of National Social Security Authority (NSSA) beneficiaries were left stranded at Mpandawana Post Office last week after they failed to receive their payments.

The beneficiaries, most of whom are pensioners, told TellZim News that the authority had not released a payment calendar for the current year. 

“We are incurring transport costs coming here only to get nothing. What is saddening is that we are told to wait indefinitely and no explanations are given,” said one irate retiree.

He said the POSB Gutu branch, at which they collect their money, has since pulled down the 2015 payout calendar in anticipation of the debacle.  

The calendar, which has been in use all along, stipulates that NSSA beneficiaries receive their monthly payouts on the 12th or 13th of each month.

Many disappointed pensioners, however, said they were shocked to find their accounts empty when they visited Mpandawana Post Office for their April payments.

They also criticised the poor service delivery at the Post Office, saying there is only one teller to serve over 400 people every time they come for payouts. 

“Service in Masvingo is better but they don’t want to serve us there anymore; they say we must be served in our district,” said another pensioner.

A female Post Master at Mpandawana Post Office refused to comment and referred questions to a Mr Tenderedzai in Gweru who could not be reached on the given number.news

Joe Kabitiri, a Zvishavane based magistrate who was fired last year for allegedly being unqualified for the job with three O’ Levels has bounced back, TellZim News can exclusively reveal.

Kabitiri was shown the exit door sometime in February on the basis of not having the relevant qualifications for the job. Kabitiri, who has been magistrate since 1981 appealed against the unfair dismissal through his lawyers and won the case against the Judicial Commission Service (JCS) last week.

When contacted for comment, Kabitiri confirmed that he resumed work last week but could not be drawn into commenting about his qualifications.

“Yes, I am back at work. I am doing my job as before and everything is fine,” he said.news